I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 23 June 2008

Just where was Jesus When I was being abused?

21st June 2008

I saw something which blew my mind away tonight and did something very powerful to my spirit, I believe something healed because of it . . . . .

Throughout my life I have turned that question over and over in my mind. How could an all powerful God allow such wanton cruelty to be meted out to me over such a long time scale?? And I've had no answers to that, none that have satisfied the deep need to know inside. However, 2 words keep coming to me “free will”. God gives us all free will, in a way he tied His own hands behind His own back. Hmm!!

Leaving that thought floating around in the ether . . . .

Jesus gave me a picture of when I was 19. I was lying on the floor being beaten and kicked. And Jesus was lying behind me with His arms around me and He never let go. He was taking the beating and the kicking too, He was trying to take some of it off me, and boy it hurt Him even more than it hurt me.

Now that completely blew me away!!

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