I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 25 June 2008


Father, God, Dad, is it okay for me to call you that?

You are holy, awesome, and powerful, but yet

Desire to have relationship with me, your child

I’m sorry that I don’t really understand your passion

To have a vibrant and intimate relationship with me

I cannot see you; I cannot reach out and touch you

You are my invisible companion who is always there

I feel your presence with me so many many times

But yet don’t really understand the depth of your love

Or the compassion for me in the depths of your heart

You know that the failures and cruelty of my biological father

Make it very difficult, if not impossible, for me to accept your love

But I want to know you better; I really need to know you better

Yet I find it so difficult to take in the reality of your love

That you hunger to be in relationship with me, your daughter

You made me, you delight in me, and you know me inside out

You accept me and yearn for me to receive your free gift of love

You do not violate me though; you simply offer me the choice

I’m sorry that I’ve rejected your love often and hurt you so much

Let’s explore together the totality of the love within your heart

Father, God, Dad, you are my father, the perfect father, parent me

You have always been there in everything I have been through

I accept your love; help us to grow together so that I may heal

I accept your desire for intimacy and your call to relationship

Thanks for being there, simply loving me, never giving up on me

22nd Feb 1998

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


This is such a loving and vulnerable communication with God. This is a ministering letter because of your willingness to be so open and honest. This will set many captives free, who need to hear someone else's courage. Thank you for being so courageous. You truly are an overcomer. Living it daily.

Blessings of love to you,

Ree (SCalifBattleCry)