I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 25 June 2008


Twisting, turning, agonising, thirsty, hungry, panicky

Walking, running, crawling, walking, running, crawling

Going round in circles, inside a maze, can’t find a way out

High hedges block the view, where is the exit?

No maps to show the way, no guidebooks, where’s me guide gone?

He said He’d show me the way and now He’s vanished, hellooooooo

Can someone show me the way please, I’ve somehow got lost

Where are you? Help! Resting, running, breathless

Stitch in side, ouch that hurts, sit down, try to figure it out

Try again, walk slowly, swallowing rising panic and fear

Start to run, no, better to take it slow than I may not miss

The way to go, spy a gap in the hedge, sunlight, fresh air

That looks like it, no just find another bit of the maze

Hmm, okay, don’t panic, just keep going, there He is

Swallow my anger at feeling deserted, but manage to ask

Where the blazes did you get to? Why did you leave me alone?

“I didn’t leave you alone, I was here all the time!” Huh?

What d’you mean by that, anger starts to rise within me

You vanished, you left me, get lost! Don’t play games with me!

“No, my child, your fear and panic blinded you to my presence

You were peacefully following in my footsteps for a while

And then seemed to lose confidence, seemed to lose your trust

In me . . . it’s okay, just follow my footprints, I’ll get you out”

24th March 1998

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, how truthful!!! Cannot be better expressed than how you have expressed these moments of doubt that sometimes hit us all!!

And then there is Jesus, ever ready, with His words of wisdom!!

Love this Fi,

Ree (SCalifBattleCry)