I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 2 July 2008


You are doing so well, don't give up now. I am proud of you and I am with you. Remember you may not be able to feel me but I am with you and I will see you through. Keep your eyes on me rather than on the storm within and around. Remember Peter walking on the water; when he realised what he was doing and saw the storm around what happened? he began to sink. You are walking on water right now, keep your eyes on me, you will make it through.

I would not have begun this if I couldn't complete it. Keep trusting me and keep following right in my footsteps; don't veer to the left or right see my footsteps and put your own into them. I am your safe guide you can trust me you can follow me through this minefield because I know the path through.

Don't be afraid of me and don't be afraid of the process. You have nothing to fear it is going to be ok. I am your faithful friend and guide, your ever present help in trouble. I am the light on your path. I am the guidebook out of here. Yes I know you feel like where's the map gone? It’s ok, I have it and I know the route, and I am providing all that you need along the way. Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, you can trust me.

You are in safe hands, you are safe, believe me you are; for I am not a man that I should lie. All my words are true and faithful and can be depended upon. Its ok to wobble, I expect you to wobble. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you inside out so I know how you are going to deal with things. I know how you are going to wobble, its ok to wobble. Just stay open and honest when you are wobbling, don't close up, that's all I ask don't close up.

2nd July 2008


Anonymous said...

Dear Fi,
What great words God is giving us through you! Love your new look and love the pictures! My favorite is the Jesus and the little girl picture! The little girl reminds me of my sister as a child!
You are so precious and I am so proud of YOU! Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading lots more!
In Jesus love,

Anonymous said...

The beautiful thought that came into my mind as I read this entry of yours Fi, was of when my babies were first learning to walk, and they would be wobbly on their little legs, trying to become familiar with a "new" season and growing phase in their lives . . . and I would stand in front of them, just a few feet a way, and I would encourage them to "Come" to me, they were unsure and as they wobbled towards me, sometimes they would lose their balance and fall, but never the less, I would encourage them to try again and again, and little by little their little legs became more and more stable and after some time, they could take a step, and then two, and eventually more and more with fewer falls . . . until one day they were walking on their own and soon forgot that they hadn't known how to do it, but they had move into their new season of growing. During the times that they fell, I had to reach out and grab them to hold them up . . . and it would be just enough to help them to keep going. Anyway, Fi, thank you for posting the things that Jesus personally speaks to you . . . it's always a reminder of His ever faithful presence in our lives, encouraging us like a "mother hen" to trust Him and to keep going and He will "be there" for us, always helping us to become all that He created us to be!

Thank you "sis",

Ree (SCalifBattleCry)


Oh what a beautiful picture, oh yes, I receive that, it somehow makes it feel easier to take this wobbly steps!! Thank you Ree.