I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Tuesday, 15 July 2008


Since posting “The Cost of Disclosing” I have gone through a time of immense trauma. It was a huge step to publish Chapter 2 of my autobiography. Although a lot of pain came to the surface, breaking my long held silence has been a good thing too. A deeper level of healing is beginning and I am feeling a freedom inside too. The darkness isn’t quite so dark, and the fear isn’t quite so paralyzing. It has taken a good week or so but I am now able to start to pick up the pieces and move on.

The following is a transcript of Jesus’s words to me on 11th July 2008 when I was feeling immense pain, asking deep questions and going through some healing. I hope these words minister to you as you read them.

“hush my child hush my precious child you are so loved hush be still do not fear you are safe hush just rest let my love wash over you healing your wounds bringing life to those barren places restoring you bringing beauty and life hush be still rest in my love it is freely yours you are safe you are safe now you are safe now I am with you and will never leave you hush my child hush It is ok I know I understand but I am with you and you are safe now there is nothing to fear now you are safe my child you are safe just rest you are safe to rest let me look after you it is safe to hush be still you are safe now you are safe I will never leave you you are safe my child rest in that safety

just rest you are so safe you really are you are safe my child for I am with you I have you safely and I will not let you go I promise you I will never leave you I will not abandon you I am not a man that I should lie hush hush it is ok I know I know my precious child I know how you need to feel safe hush you are safe let me take that fear because I want to I want you to only rest you need to rest hush hush

it is ok yes it is ok

it is ok to cry it is ok to cry it is ok I am with you I am shielding you I am hiding you you are safe now my precious precious child hush be still that's it hush its ok feel that safety you are safe now nothing will harm you here yes that's right you are resting now that is good my child my child my precious one you are so precious to me so very precious and so very loved let that love soak every fibre of your being I want you to soak it up you need it it will heal you my precious one I will never let you go never ever ever you are safe now I will never leave you never ever you can be secure you can be safe you can be sure you can be still and be safe my beloved daughter yes my beloved daughter you are my beloved yes there you are

you are beginning to believe me I can see it in your eyes my love for you is boundless and never ends you can rely on that you can feel safe yes you can I see you are beginning to feel safe I see you are beginning to rest I see you are beginning to trust I am so pleased with you oh yes I am I delight in you I sing over you I am there when you are sleeping you are never alone I take pleasure in you you give me pleasure yes you do I know you find that hard to believe but you do because you are you just because you are you my precious daughter my precious Fi my fair one

be still now and rest in that safety I love you with a love which is pure and safe I know how you need to feel safe you have never felt safe my love is safe you are my beloved child that's it that's it you are still now that is good rest my child just rest you are safe now you are so safe”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This was the Lord singing a sweet lullaby to you Fi.
It's like I could almost hear the music and the precious melody from His heart. Rocking you in His arms of love.

With many blessings,
Ree "SCalifBattleCry"