I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 13 August 2008


Hi Jesus what is this scar in your hand?

It’s where they put the nail when they nailed me to that cross

I heard you did nothing wrong but they hated you that must have been really horrible it must have really hurt

Yes it did hurt more than you can possibly imagine I know what it feels like to be hated when you've done nothing wrong I know what it feels like to be abandoned and deserted and all alone and know what betrayal feels like I know what it feels like to be lied about I know how desperate it makes you feel I experienced all that I know what a sham trial feels like

so you know about the kangaroo courts then?

yes I know all about them I know what a sham they were and what a put up job they were I know all about it there is nothing I don't know about I saw it all I was there

so you know how horrible I feel then Jesus?

yes I do

you know how alone I feel?

yes I do

I have been with you every moment of your life I know all you have been through I have seen it all everything you have felt I have felt every hurt I felt with you

Jesus I am finding this so amazing, but why couldn't you stop them if you were there?

I tried to speak with them many times I tried to reason with them but they shut me out ignored me

but they went to church?

yes they went to church but not to find me just to look good all part of their cover story

ok Jesus I feel safe with you I feel like you know everything there is to know about me and yet you don't look down on me or belittle me

I love you my child my love is a love you've never known my love is not self seeking my love does not hurt or use others my love sets people free my love is a safe love my love will bring healing to your innermost being my love is about healing not hurting my love is about freeing not binding up

ouch Jesus that hurt cos I've been bound a lot

I know you have remember there is nothing I don't know about don't be afraid you have nothing to fear my love gets rid of fear and gives you peace in exchange real deep peace and joy like you've never known I have only good intentions for you

I am so proud of you I am so proud that you have spoken out and I am so proud I’ve been waiting a long time for this and I am so happy now that it is here and you are speaking out

8th August 2008

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is definitely Jesus! He told you the same thing He told me many years ago! This is confirmation!
I once asked Jesus why He didn't answer my prayers about a certain circumstance and He told me He answered every prayer that I have ever prayed and that He convicted certain people, but that they "chose" to defy Him and follow their own ways. He said He spoke to their hearts and they didn't care and decided to go with their own plan. The knowledge of this gave me peace because I knew that God had been faithful and that He intervened on my behalf, but that certain people chose to rebel against Him and follow their own selfish destructive ways. God has basically told you the same thing Fi, which is confirmation of His truth and His faithfulness to you and to us all. How greatly loved we are by Him! And how greatly we love Him in return!
Love and blessings,
Ree "SCalifBattleCry"