I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Tuesday, 11 November 2008


Over the last couple of months I’ve been holding on to God and holding on to what I know to be true about Him. It is all I have been able to do, believing deep down, that He is with me; that He knows all about what is going on; that He does love me; and that He is working things out. I cried out and cried out to Him in desperation and yet He was silent. I was desperate to hear from Him to know that He was still with me and hadn’t abandoned me; holding on, hoping and daring to believe that He would speak to me eventually. I knew that He was not angry with me and I knew that I’d done nothing to deserve the utterly broken place that I found myself in, but when God is silent for a prolonged length of time it is really hard. The last couple of months have been the hardest of my life and have taken me to depths or pain, sorrow and grief I never thought I could possibly survive.

Last weekend God broke His silence. During the 2 days God used 4 separate people to speak His voice, His heart and His precious love to me.

What follows is what I was able to remember of what was spoken to me. It gives a sense of God’s heart, and you can see God’s stamp all over them because they all flow from each other and carry the same themes although they were spoken independent of each other.

Let these words minister God’s healing daddy’s heart to you as you read.

“God will water your heart and bring refreshing.

He knows all about it and all about the wilderness and the dry places. There are pools of water in the wilderness. All that you have lost and all that has been stolen from you will be restored fully. He will bring restoration. Jesus loves you so very very much. ch. You are the apple of His eye and He has not forsaken you and will never forsake you.”

“God is wanting to make a new start with you. He is doing a fresh thing. He is going to take you into a whole new level of knowing Him and of Him knowing you. He is interested in getting an intimate relationship with you. He wants to know you in intimacy. He wants to bring life to the dead areas, bringing healing and restoration. He is bringing you into a whole new area of new trust, new intimacy, bringing revelation of His father heart and new hope.”

“You are a jewel in my crown. You are beautiful, so very beautiful to me. You are wonderfully and beautifully made. I remember fashioning you with my hands while you were within the womb. I made you and I know you as you are and love you as you are. Rest in my love, abide; stop striving for it my child, it is yours freely, it is yours unconditionally and it is yours for the whole of eternity. Rest my child, abide; then you will be able to love the hurting and set the captives free. See yourself as a spirit in a body and rest in my love. That will make it easier for you to see yourself as I see you and as the spirit realm sees you. For that is who you really are. As you rest in my love you will gain revelation of my unconditional love for you. Then rest in that revelation and let it go deep. As you do so you will be able to reject all the negative words that have been and will be spoken against you. You will not take on the weight of them anymore. And you will no longer carry the weight of the rejection you have known. Then you will heal and have love and compassion for the lost, loveless, hurting and broken. Go and set the captives free my child, yes that is my will for you, you’ve always known that, and I am confirming it. Go and set the captives free, set the captives free in my name and for my glory. I love you my precious child, rest in that love.”

“God wants you to know that He loves you. And not only does He love you, but He likes you. Yes, He likes you, He really likes you. He created you for Him to look upon. Fiona my precious daughter I want to look upon you. I want to love on you. I want to hug on you. I say you are mine. You are my beautiful one. You are my princess. Yes I am Almighty God, but I am also Father God who loves and likes His precious daughter, my beautiful bride. I am proud of her and I like her so very much, as well as love her very deeply. She has a special place in my heart and will always have that place in my heart. I am Father and I am Son, the bridegroom enjoying my bride and enjoying looking upon my bride, my princess, towards whom my heart is turned. I enjoy you my bride, you are beautiful to me and very precious to me, come and rest in that love.”

Sat 8th November 2008

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awesome Fi!!!