I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 16 December 2009


Faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty.
Faith is not necessary when you know how
Things are going to work out - that's knowledge
It's in the time of unknowing that having faith
Is what sees you through to the other side
Faith is what gives you strength
Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining
Even when it's all darkness outside
Now is the time to keep that faith alive!


I know I need YOU
I need to love YOU
I love to see YOU, but it's been so long
I long to feel YOU
I feel this need for YOU
And I need to hear YOU, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near YOU
When we're close, I fear YOU
Still I'm afraid to tell YOU, all that I've done
Are YOU done forgiving?
Oh can YOU look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

I hear YOU say
"MY love is over. It's underneath
It's inside. It's in between
The times you doubt ME, when you can't feel
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken
The times that you mend
The times that you hate ME, and the times that you bend
Well, MY love is over, it's underneath
It's inside, it's in between
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm
MY love I will keep you, by MY power alone
I don't care where you fall, where you have been
I'll never forsake you, MY love never ends
It never ends"

Tenth Avenue North

Tuesday, 15 December 2009


I came across this in a meditation today which so encouraged me, I hear His heart of love and understanding and it is so precious:-

I want you to know you are doing well. You are walking by MY Spirit most all of the time. Nevertheless you are aware that you have some rebellion within. This awareness is good, but you don't realize rebellion's damage. Awareness is the first step. I know you want to follow ME in purity. I love you for that. I see your purity through the life of MY son. With no condemnation I also see spots of darkness. I am forming you into MY Son's image. Sometimes this is hard for you. But we both know this is when you are the happiest. Precious one, turn to ME for your growth


Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

During the last 20 years that verse from Jeremiah has kept cropping up in my life and I have said yeah, yeah and not really, really believed that those words could possibly be for me. It is only in recent weeks that I’ve realised that what I have in Jesus now is very, very precious and that I do have a hope and a future I could never have imagined possible.

Then this morning I came across the following in an article sent to me in an email. This article by Vince Gibson, brought the scripture back to the forefront of my mind today and caused me to ponder it anew. And YES, I REALISED THAT I AM BEGINNING TO WALK IN THE MANIFESTATION OF THAT PROMISE FOR ME IN JEREMIAH.

The article was so good I had to include this excerpt from it. I hope you are as blessed and encouraged by this as I was.

“As I looked into His eyes, I could tell He was up to something. Immediately, HE held out HIS hands and in them HE had two blocks. On one block was written ‘HOPE’ and on the other ‘FUTURE’. I stood up to take them, but instead of taking them HE shoved them straight into my chest. I knew at that instant I would be able to discern the mysteries of my hope and future.

My first instinct was to search inside to see the details. I had such excitement that my destiny would finally be revealed and my future laid out in full detail before me. As my eyes focused on the two blocks, the words "hope" and "future" had been replaced by only one name: "Jesus." There were no details at all, no plans for world domination, no formula to take the globe, no step-by-step programs — only His name.

I looked up and HE spoke.

“I have the details and I will reveal them when I am ready; for now I am all you need, I am your hope and your future! I am the rhythm of life, I am the next note, I am the next unknown which I already know, I am the next breath which I have already taken. I hold all the wisdom from the age past, the age present, and the age to come”

We get so wrapped up in the details; I know how important plans and details are. They are needed, but many times "the details" become the focus. Honestly, HE is the only detail that matters! In Proverbs 16:9 it states, "A man's mind plans his way but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure."

Seek HIM first in everything we do and HE will reveal and add everything else later. We strive so hard for the details when all we have to do is be in the secret place with no agenda except to love on HIM, and out of that — the hope and the future appear. Remember that HE taught and revealed those details to the ones that climbed the mountain with Him. This "climb" will take work and sacrifice on our part.
YES, HE knows the plans HE has for you, not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future!”

Vince Gibson The Habitation and Abiding Glory Ministries

Saturday, 12 December 2009


Some things are confusing, confused means to be disturbed in mind or purpose

You have too many things going on in your mind all at once

You must limit the voices to which you listen, choose those which are up building and full of MY truth and then listen to them, listen for things positive and entertain them, negative thoughts and words seldom benefit you

Knowledge that leads you to MY truth is good

Stay on that path and confusion will be dissipated

Choose clarity

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Jesus is Healing Our Past and Setting Up Our Future

The following was sent to me in an email and it was so good I felt I just had to share it here.

Back to the Future: Jesus is Healing Our Past and Setting Up Our Future

"I have found myself charged by the Lord as of late to call the Church into a place of hope, identity, and breakthrough. Many in the Body are dealing with great grief, and are looking to their past and letting hurts, failures, and mistakes determine where they go in their future. God is committed to us coming into a place where we align ourselves with our true identities as children of God. God desires to give us good gifts, to bless us, and to give us a future. God wants us to be healed from our painful history and to find our identity in Jesus. "The issues" that make up who we are and how we live are found in "how we relate to our past and what we think of Jesus." Finding the grace in God to overcome your past is the key to what will unlock our hearts to move forward and into 2010—with wholeness.

The Holy Spirit will reveal to us the places where we are held captive by bitterness, anger, and shame.

Our identity must first be established in our relationship with God or in intimacy with God. Our relationship with God is grounded as we encounter His thoughts and affections toward us. You have to know that your current circumstances are not punishment for some way you have failed God. If we have a confident relationship with Papa, we will not be waiting for the other shoe to drop, but instead we will overcome the negative aspects of our history and start to walk in confidence and purpose. If we agree with Heaven and literally start speaking the biblical truth of who we are before God, we will begin to soften and become accessible for healing.

A Vision of Healing the Past

The Holy Spirit walked me through a vision, where I saw a large group of people lined up in front of me, and showed me how He literally went into each person's past. In one instance the Holy Spirit went in through the eyes of a woman in front of me, and He took me to this woman's bedroom when she was a child. She was lying on her side, crying in bed, and I watched as Holy Spirit started to cup His hands around her feet and breathed into His hands. This little girl started to slowly light up with a warm glow as if light was coming from inside of her and glowing through her skin. I was then pulled back in front of this grown woman, tears were rolling down her face as she said, "I forgive you, dad." The Holy Spirit had literally gone back in time to when she was an abused little girl, and He healed that place in her heart.

This was what was taking place with everyone in line. They were all allowing the Holy Spirit to go deep into their pain, hurts, and disappointments to heal them. God then said, "I am literally going back in time for the sake of your future."
Everyone in this line had luggage in their hands, and now at the front of the line was an airplane. Written on the side of the airplane was the phrase, "Acceleration to 2010," and I heard a voice in Heaven say, "If you're boarding the promises of God, you have to check your baggage." The luggage was too big and heavy to take on board this airplane of acceleration and had to be handed over to Jesus before boarding. As people chose to hand the luggage over to Jesus, He took their baggage from them.

We need to let go of the baggage in our lives and move forward with Him. God is dedicated to us going into our future—healed up and restored. We have so many wonderful things in our future as we grow in Christ Jesus, and our heart responses to situations that have hurt us are vital in our journey. Let's choose to be brave and allow the Holy Spirit to go into our past so we can be made whole and released into our future! Make a decision today to not hold captive those past wounds and failures, but to trust Jesus with our past, present, and future. Today the Father wants us to choose to forgive.

Declarative Prayer: Father, we trust YOU and give YOU permission to go into the deep places of our history and do a work of healing. Jesus, we forgive those who may have hurt us out of ignorance or even malice and we choose to give them to YOU.

I want you the reader to literally say, "Jesus, I give YOU 'person's name' and everything that this person did to me, Lord please forgive them." We invite YOU, Holy Spirit, to even now begin a work in our own hearts toward daily forgiveness. We choose to let these past hurts go for the sake of our future, in Jesus name, Amen.

Luke Holter, Prophetic Sheep Ministries


I want to speak some things to you today, you will hear ME, why? I count you as MY sheep, MY sheep hear MY voice, period, no ifs, buts or ands about it

Now listen to ME, nothing can ever take you away from the Father, whether you believe it or not, you are eternally secure in ME if you have indeed been born from above and have become MY new creation

Put your mind at ease and make yourself sure, the Father will never reject you, you are MINE forever, no circumstance or enemy can ever snatch you out of MY hand

Let's get started! Draw close to ME and listen to the wind, the birds and the heavens

Ask ME questions and watch and listen to how creatively I will speak to you, my sheep

Monday, 7 December 2009


God did a huge work of healing in me as I slept last night.

What happened was that I had a very vivid dream. I dreamed that I was back at school miscarrying the baby that I called Phil when Jesus brought the babies into my flat for me to hold and name a few months ago. Up until now I’ve felt a lot of trauma over that miscarriage and I vividly remember how scared and alone I felt when I found myself bleeding and couldn’t tell anyone.

In the dream I saw the 13-year old me go into the toilet cubicle and then I became the 13-year old me there. I was already bleeding before I went into the cubicle and I didn’t know what to do except to go hide in the toilet till I stopped bleeding. I was really scared and didn’t really know what was happening. I saw angels there and Jesus too. I watched Him reach into the toilet bowl and rescue the remains of what I had miscarried. And I just knew that the angels were there to minister to me.

For a long, long time I’ve had a feeling of enormous trauma and grief over what happened that day. When I woke up I was able to think about it without that trauma and grief and I have a real sense of closure, not just of this occasion but of all the miscarriages I had. And it is an amazing feeling too, like something has released off of me.

I am amazed, no astounded, at the depth of healing that God did during my sleep!

7 Dec 2009


I knew you before time began. I know how many hairs are on your head. Like parent, like child, you’re created in MY image. I have plans for you and have given you the gifts needed to fulfil them. What I give, nobody can take away. Rest assured, I’ve started a good work in you and I’m going to finish it. I always complete what I begin. MY word concerning you is forever settled and MY commitment to you is unending.

In this life you’ll have challenges but cheer up, I’ve robbed satan of all his power to control you and the world of its power to destroy you. Remember, I’m ever present to help. Give me your burdens and I’ll sustain you. Lean on me, I’ll be your rock, your fortress, your deliverer and your strength. Even though you fail from time to time, you won’t be discarded because I am upholding you.

A word of caution – don’t take advice from those who are spiritually blind and don’t hang out with sceptics. Delight yourself in MY word and, like a big oak tree growing by a river, you’ll prosper in all you do.

PS I’d love to hear back from you

1 John 4: 16
“We have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, he who abides in love abides in God and God in him”

Reproduced from UCB “Word for Today”

3 Dec 2009

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Be Who You Are and Never Give Up On MY Promises

I came across the following quote in a devotion that I have delivered to my inbox daily. I so heard the heart of my Daddy in it that I just had to share it. It also confirmed many things that God has said to me over the last few months. I love the way HE speaks in such a clearly affirming way. HE knows I need to keep hearing that I am the apple of HIS eye and precious to HIM. The more I hear it the more I begin to believe it and the truth of that sinks a little further in and brings another layer of healing and security. Most important of all is that HE is HIS word and cannot lie, HIS word is truth. Having been exposed to so many lies throughout my life I’ve always found it difficult to distinguish truth from lie. There has been such a work of healing in my life that I am finally able to take God at HIS word and trust HIM to speak truth to me. In this quote HE reaffirms the truth of HIS word and that it can be relied upon completely. HE always knows what needs to be said and how and the right timing for it too.

Be who you are. It is good enough. The enemy of your soul has been lying to you again, telling you false information about who you are. He says you are just a fallen earthbound being, worth nothing but death and destruction. He says you are a loser with no hope whatsoever. His arguments are convincing and so very easy to believe. But faith in the one true God comes along and shows you HIS word of truth about you. You are magnificent, marvellous and made in the image of your Maker. You are just like HIM, righteous, glorious, victorious and full of love and grace. This God can neither lie nor can HE break the promises of HIS Scripture.
Never, never, never, give up on the promise I made to you. Yes it is all right to ask ME about it. I know this is not doubt from you. I understand your heart, and you just want to be sure you heard ME correctly. Yes you were and are accurate in your hearing, but the promise will not manifest the way you now think it will. I update your understanding as you continue to believe and as time passes, but nevertheless it will come to pass as I have said. MY promises are always better in the long run than you have imagined. You are the apple of MY eye

2 Corinthians 1:20-22 “For as many as are the promises of God, in Him they are yes; therefore also through Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us. Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us in God, who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge"

Wednesday, 2 December 2009


You are my Beloved, you are beautiful to me and I am very proud of you, you are doing really well, you are doing fantastically well, you're doing just great, in fact you're doing just fine, you are precious to me and I am building you up and filling you with my thoughts about you, I always think good things about you, so I want you to try to think more good things about you than bad till you start thinking good things about you much more than bad, your mind is being renewed little by little, you are so precious to me my Beloved, so very precious, words cannot describe how precious you are to me, feel that pride in my heart for you, feel that joy I feel in my heart for you, believe me when I say I think only good things about you, for it is truth, you are my precious treasure and I am really pleased with you, I am really, really pleased with you, I am delighted with you, I truly am delighted with you, you bring me enormous pleasure every moment of every day, I know you get bogged down with the hurt and the memories, allow my words to soak in deep, begin to really believe that this is how I see you, for it truly is, when you get bogged down think of me and remember how much I joy over you and how precious you are to me and how I dance with joy when I think of you and remember I am very pleased with you, so very, very pleased with you and remind yourself that I think only good things about you and my words to you are always positive and affirming, any other words in your head are not from me so discard them and pay attention to the positive ones and then you will find you are thinking good thoughts about yourself and then you will find that you are beginning to believe those good thoughts and remember, you are doing really well, you’re doing great, you're a winner in my eyes

1 Dec 2009

Friday, 27 November 2009


He is a gentleman
He is confident
He is trustworthy
He is a provider and protector
He is rich and powerful

He is consistent–the same yesterday, today & tomorrow
He owns everything, there’s nothing He wouldn't do for me
He perfects all things concerning me
He anticipates my wants and needs

Every day He tells me & shows me how much He loves me
I don't have to perform in order to earn His love
He keeps all of his promises
He never lies

No one can influence His opinion of me
He is the ultimate intimate partner
He can't "disown" me because I am a part of Him
He prepares a table before Me (Selah)
He covers me and doesn't expose me
He wrote his loving words down in His Word so that I'll never forget how He feels about me!

What more can you really ask for?


Wake up every day and thank FATHER GOD, JESUS CHRIST & HOLY SPIRIT for being the best "man" in your life!

Saturday, 7 November 2009


I came across this short meditation on Psalm 139:14. It really spoke to me and I thought I’d share it.

Psalm 139: 14 - “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”

We can only imagine the concentrated thoughts that occupied the divine Mind and the gentle, skilful touch of the divine Hand that first shaped man from the dust.

Where did the Creator begin?

Did He start with a skeletal frame? Did He then cover it with an outside layer of skin, which at no place is thicker than three-sixteenths of an inch, is packed with nerve endings to enable man to feel the outside world, and is virtually waterproof.

Into the skin stretched over the frame did He next place the heart that pumps seventy-two times a minute, forty million times a year?

When did He hang the lungs in their sealed compartments so that the rivers of blood necessary for life can deposit the carbon dioxide and pick up oxygen to be carried to every single one of the more than twenty-six trillion cells in the body?

When did He place the brain inside the bony skull and program it to send messages that travel faster than three hundred miles an hour along the nervous system to the entire body?

Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully and lovingly and personally created by an awe-inspiring, loving Creator!!


Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones writes:- “It is the spirit and the word, the spirit upon the word, and the spirit in us as we read the word.

You say it’s impossible, God says “what is impossible with men is possible with God” Luke 18:27

You say I’m exhausted, God says “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” Isaiah 40: 31

You say nobody loves me, He says “I have loved you with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31: 3

You say I can’t go on, He says “My grace is sufficient for you” 2 Corinthians 12:9

You say I don’t know what to do, He says “He shall direct your paths” Proverbs 3:6

You say I can’t do it, He says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4: 13

You say it’s not worth it, He says “we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9

You say I can’t forgive myself, He says “in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:32

You say I can’t make ends meet, He says “God shall supply your every need” Philippians 4:19

You say I’m afraid, He says “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power” 2 Timothy 1:7

You say I can’t handle this, He says “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you” Psalm 55:22

You say I’m not smart enough, He says “if you need wisdom, ask God for it” James 1:5

You say I’m all alone, He says “I will never leave you or forsake you” Hebrews 13: 5

Reproduced from UCB “Word for Today” Fri 6 Nov 2009

Saturday, 31 October 2009


When I meditated on the word “Guidance”
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right
The movement doesn't flow with the music, everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky
When one person realizes that and lets the other lead, both begin to flow with the music
One gives gentle cues, a nudge to the back or pressing lightly in one direction or another
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully
The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness
From one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other
My eyes drew back to the word “Guidance”
When I saw "G” I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i"
"God, "u" and "i" dance
God, you, and I dance
Once again I became willing to trust I would get guidance about my life
Once again, I became willing to let God lead
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you
On this day and everyday
May you abide in God, as God abides in you
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you
Through each season of your life
And keep dancing!!!

Saturday, 24 October 2009



If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring, and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He could live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem ;
not to mention that Friday at Calvary .
Face it, He's crazy about you.

Wednesday, 21 October 2009


Since Jesus last spoke into my pain and said to me “I am with you” He began to say “Beloved, I Am is with you”. He has spoken those words many times in many contexts and I sense that there are many layers to “I Am is with you”. At its most basic but also most profound “I Am” is the always present companion who always has been and always will be. Jesus is “I Am”, not I was, or I may be or I will be, but I Am. The presence of “I Am” in my life brings stability where there would otherwise be none, and wow, what a difference that makes to me.

During the last few weeks I’ve been going through real tough times, relationships important to me have been messed up causing me a lot of confusion and uncertainty. To be honest I don’t quite know how it all happened. All I do know is that for once, I was not the cause. Sometimes we’re not allowed to see what is going on in other people’s lives to understand what is happening and that was the case here. The only thing I could do was to hold on to Jesus tenaciously and weather the storm. For a few days I shut down because of the pain. When I realised I had shut down I asked Jesus to gently prise me back open so I could receive from Him. That is the first time I’ve ever done that, so just in responding to shutting down in that way shows progress has been made. Several days followed when I could not speak to Jesus because of the total confusion there was in my mind and my emotions. Jesus was there with me in that dark confusion and He understood totally. Eventually I was finally able to let Jesus speak in to that confusion, and to hear His comfort and receive all He had to say. This is how He brought me out of that place:-

Jesus says that He understands utterly and knows all about the confusion and jumbled thoughts and feelings, He knows how angry and hurt I’m feeling and He’s never left me, He’s been there all the time even when it all felt so dark, He was there in the darkness, He loves me dearly and wants me to know that He loves me even when I am confused and hurt and don't know what to say, He knows I've been thinking about Him a lot and crying out to Him in my thoughts, He’s heard every cry to Him and He is giving me His peace to help make that confusion and turmoil go away, He says He thinks I've been doing real good and He is proud of me, I'm His little girl and He’s been hurting because His little girl has been hurting, He will make it all alright, He's saying look up and look around
I've been sitting here just looking down wrapped in my thoughts, I look up to find myself looking straight into His eyes that are smiling at me, He is kneeling in front of me and saying how precious I am to Him and it is going to be ok, He has a butterfly on the end of His finger, it is the most beautiful butterfly and He just says watch her, I am watching her flying up to the sun and my heart is flying there with her, she is so free and so beautiful, I wish I could feel so free inside
He just said you will, you will one day
I somehow feel freer just watching her
He says when bad things happen it’s so easy to get locked into what happened and all the bad feelings but there is a bigger picture and He’s so proud of me that I didn't completely shut down because that enabled Him to start working on getting His peace in place and He is gradually building in more and more peace till all the confusion and turmoil goes, He says I done well
Well, if Jesus says it'll be okay then it’ll be okay
Jesus wants to give me more of His peace and assure me of His presence with me, that He has not left me and never will and that He is at work in the background working things out, He is not angry with me or disappointed with me, no, no, He takes great delight in me, His beloved, He understands me through and through and knows how I respond to things and why and He is working on changing how I respond to things, every time something happens it is an opportunity for Him to work on my responses and to show me His presence with me, He just loves pouring out His love on me, He loves every opportunity that comes along to just pour out His love and acceptance on me, I am totally loved and accepted by Him whatever happens that doesn't change and that's what He wants me to grasp hold of today, I can be secure in that, I am more secure in that that I was, He is saying, I have begun to grasp it and He wants that grasp to go a little deeper today, I can be secure in that, I am more secure in that that I was, He is saying, I have begun to grasp it and He wants that grasp to go a little deeper today, He is saying you have come further than you think you have.

I then came across the following passage:- “There are so many unknowns and much mystery. If you do not walk by faith, you will fail. But with your faith, which I have amply supplied, you will achieve the impossible. The complexity is too great. If ever there was a time for boldness and confidence, this is it. Find MY presence and live in it. It is all you need and you already have it by faith. Just walk in it. I want you seeing this from MY point of view. I am seated high above and can see both sides clearly. I can see all hearts and intentions. LOOK AGAIN FROM WHERE I AM. You have been looking at the problem through eyes that meet only your own purposes. Look again from where I am. Go beyond yourself. Meet the situation more than half way. MY way is to go the extra mile. MY way is to heap blessings on those who are offended. They will be so surprised when you do. In the long run you will come out of the problem with much more than you put in. I love you. Walk the high road. “

20 Oct 2009

Friday, 25 September 2009


The last few days I’ve been walking through what has been like a very dark cloud full of pain and tears. The pain too deep to even know what it was about or what part of me was hurting. The tears were like someone had turned a tap on and the washer had got stuck and the tap couldn’t be turned off. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying the tears just poured all the more

It was very hard to sense Jesus in that dark cloud. All I could do was to hold on to His words to me that He would never ever leave me or forsake me, both in scripture and personally spoken to me

Then this afternoon Jesus tenderly spoke four words to me – ‘I AM WITH YOU’

Those four words transformed my day and light came into the darkness as assurance flooded in

I love the tenderness of Jesus. His tenderness reaches down into the deepest parts of me. So often I sit with Him and begin to cry just because of His sheer tenderness and understanding

He spoke those four words with such unmistakable tenderness, understanding and reassurance but also with incredible authority too. It is hard to describe, it really is, so much was wrapped up in those four words. But His tender compassion reached out to me today and broke through the pain

I believe that Jesus wants to speak those words to you as you are sitting reading this

Do you feel all alone in your hurt? If you do, listen for His tender voice and let His tender love, understanding and compassion reach in and say ‘I AM WITH YOU’

24 Sep 2009

Saturday, 19 September 2009

I Know You Through and Through

I know you through and through. I understand you well so you can come to ME with all your questions, all your struggles. I know you, you do not have to explain, I understand you and I know how you are. I know your thoughts, your feelings, because I have made you, I know how you think and why you think like this.

I will give you a deep revelation of my love because your thoughts are sometimes so busy and your thoughts are sometimes guided by influences of yourself.

I will teach you, I will show you the way. I will give you rest. But just trust ME. I know who you are. I know what you think. I know how you feel. I know it all. If you trust me, if you really dare to let go everything and if you trust me, I will give you love so large that MY love in you will remove fear.

I am love. If you see ME, see MY eyes full of love. Therefore, any thought that you would have that I do not love you, is a lie for I AM love. Every thought, every feeling that I'm not there for you is a lie.

I am your Father, I AM made you, I AM your Creator. If you dare to trust ME, if you dare to be guided by MY word, if you dare to be guided by what I in MY word say to you, and what MY Spirit in your heart submit, you will see MY Word is reliable. Trust ME, dare to lay your life in MY hands. Dare to let go everything and as a child, to see ME. I answer your questions.

It’s ME, I AM.

It’s not what you think. Not what you try to find out. I want to teach you MY child. Rest in ME. Let your mind just to unwind. Let your mind but loose because I AM your answer. I AM, and I will help you. I AM there for you. I speak to you and I have a plan for your life. I have a much higher way for you, a road much nicer; a road where you'll find ME really, you were not meant to wander around, you're not a sheep who must find the grass to eat.

I want to guide your life, I want you to give you direction, you would never have to search for clear water, or to enjoy fresh green grass. If you trust ME, you will know much happiness in your life because I am joy.

If you really look for ME without adhering to the old, without adhering to what others offer you, but if you really want MY heart, if you really want MY searches, if you let your heart out to ME, so I can let you know ME, then you will know true happiness.

Wednesday, 16 September 2009


He shines brighter than the most radiant Sun, He is live forever, exalted far above all powers, so much stronger than anything that exists. Its light is so beautiful that it dispels the deepest darkness. He is the King above all kings. He has perfect and eternal dominion. Nothing and nobody can match him.

There are billions of angels, endless armies of mighty angels, cheering and dancing before Him in pure awe and admiration. Jesus is the ultimate joy of the Father. HE is the joy of the people and of the angels.

He was with the Father before creation and He is exalted higher than any one or any thing that has a name. He reigns over all powers, powers, authorities and dominions. His light is the life for humanity.

He is the saviour, the Redeemer, powerful healer, the sublime master in everything. Nothing or nobody can match him. His beauty is staggering and devastating. Evil differs in fear for his brilliant appearance.

He is righteous and pure in everything he does, says and thinks. He is the light of the world. His word is like a torturous fire that destroys the sin. A sharp two-edged sword from his mouth which he strikes the earth and kill the beast. He is the great alarmist in the darkness and ushers in great joy in the people who love him. It changes everything, turns everything upside down. Who is like Jesus? Risen from the dead, forever risen, reigning without end. I love Jesus so much! He is our King, our Lord, the perfect winner! He gives us victory and makes the future beautiful and hopeful.

Words are falling too short; He is real and so strong, sweet, pure, joyful, bright, for our natural understanding but He has given us that understanding in His salvation of redeeming love.

He is here. Hallelujah!! The angels are in awe of Him. Open our eyes Lord that we are amazed and speechless with passion by you, to see with the eyes of the Holy Spirit.

Monday, 31 August 2009


God never abandons us while in process. That means that He is always working in me so that I can walk in the dreams that He has given me!

"He who began a good work in you will complete it..." [Phil. 1:6]

He has promised never to leave me, forsake me or leave me comfortless and He tells me that He’s got great plans for me [Jeremiah 29]

So no matter how black things get I have those promises in His word to hold on to, and many like them.

Things have been very black lately, but He has a way of giving me a little nugget here and a little nugget there which shines a bright light on my dark path, comfort me and give me the strength I need to keep going.

And He gently reminds me that He isn’t finished with me yet and that my hopes and dreams and my healing process are safe in His hands.



Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.... The race began....honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher..

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....but ONE continued higher and higher and higher....this one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog, who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out.... That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic....because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have. (There's life and death in the power of the tongue – Proverbs 18:21.) Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be.... POSITIVE!

And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfil your dreams!

Always think: God and I can do this! If you fall down 10 times, stand up 10 times.


He Is God, He is the First and Last, The Beginning and the End!

He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all! He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times. He always was, He always is, and He always will be ... unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing! He was pierced and eased pain! He was persecuted and brought freedom! He was dead and brought life! He is risen and brings power! He reigns and brings Peace! The world can't understand him; the armies can't defeat Him; the schools can't explain Him, and the leaders can't ignore Him. Herod couldn't kill Him; the Pharisees couldn't confuse Him; the people couldn't hold Him! Nero couldn't crush Him; Hitler couldn't silence Him; the New Age can't replace Him and "Oprah" can't explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord. He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God. He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right, His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me. He is my Saviour, He is my guide, and He is my peace! He is my Joy, He is my comfort, He is my Lord, and He rules my life!
I serve Him because His bond is love, His burden is light, and His goal for me is abundant life.
I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise, the power of the powerful, the ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.
His goal is a relationship with ME! He will never leave me, never forsake me, never mislead me, never forget me, never overlook me and never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!
When I fall, He lifts me up! When I fail, He forgives! When I am weak, He is strong! When I am lost, He is the way! When I am afraid, He is my courage! When I stumble, He steadies me! When I am hurt, He heals me! When I am broken, He mends me! When I am blind, He leads me! When I am hungry, He feeds me! When I face trials, He is with me! When I face persecution, He shields me! When I face problems, He comforts me! When I face loss, He provides for me! When I face Death, He carries me Home!
He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way. He is God, He is faithful. I am His, and He is mine!
My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world. So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this... He said it and that settles it. God is in control, I am on His side, and that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Come Away With Me

Come away with Me, says the Lord.
Deliberately find the place of peace and rest in Me.
Life's demands and difficult circumstances
Have taken more energy than you realize
So you need to hide yourself in the secret place
Where you can be restored
This will not happen automatically;
You must be still in your body
Quiet your thoughts and emotions
In order to come to the place of restoration and healing.
20 Aug 09

Sunday, 16 August 2009


look at the butterfly, there is only one like it in the whole universe and that is you

yes that is true

you weren't created to fit in anyone’s box period, bless them and be yourself, you are a gift and not to be tampered with to conform to someone else’s idea of who you should be, look like, etc.

I noticed today how much confidence the butterfly has now in the way she moves, she isn't tentative any more

that is because she is the mirror of you, she is how you are seen by those who have eyes to see, and every time you notice something about her it is the reflection of what He has done in you

right, yes

it might be a bit hard to digest at first but it is the truth

yes, it is very profound

when more and more of the negativity that was spoken over you is removed from you, the truth that replaces it will show in the butterfly to you, she represents the hope and life He is building in you, and when you look and notice her you see the healing manifested in her that is inside of you

yes and the freedom to be who I am uninhibited by stuff

yes and not afraid to be you wherever you are, you are awesome and you are going to be a blessing to many and help countless others to be free as you are being made free

um yes, those who have the eyes to see what God is doing here, see it

15 Aug 09

Sunday, 9 August 2009


I've not been able to see the butterfly properly for a few days now, not since I last drew her

her=you, let Jesus give you a fresh vision of the butterfly

yes, she is bigger than I remember her, she has grown since I last saw her

yes see how He continues to cause her to grow with each healing, you were meant to fly in the heavenlies

yes, she doesn't seem quite as fragile

the more healing, the more growth and strength will cause higher flight in the heavenlies, above all that is down here

I was watching her fly and thinking she was flying higher than she was and staying longer at those heights too, not just ducking down and then up again

yes where you were created to be, far above seated with Christ

yes she seems to want to fly closer and closer to the sun

yes because the Son is the light of the world

yes, I need Him to bring warmth to those cold places inside me, and to bring light to those dark places inside

have you gone to the throne room lately?

no, not for while

He is doing that for you

I was reminded by a picture I saw yesterday, reminded me of the marble steps and the angels lining the steps

try to go and spend some time there in your rightful place, get more used to being there, from there you can call down to the places in your life "prepare the way for the LORD"

yep, He said to me it is only a step away from the gardens

yes and where you were created to spend eternity

yes I get so caught up in the pain and the hurt and the memories and the trauma and so on that I forget who I really am, at the same time as I am sitting in the swing in the garden I am also seated in heavenly places with Jesus, and at the same time that I am stuck in the sinking sand of all the hurt and trauma I am also soaring high in the heavenlies as that butterfly

yes and learning to live in the spirit now as He is mending your soul

and staring open mouthed at the translucent rainbow above the throne and at the angels whose only joy is the do the will of their Master

are you feeling invited to go closer to Abba?

standing on the marble steps, staring at the legs and feet of Father God longing one day to crawl up there and be safe on His knee

you can go right now, no need to wait, is He not looking at you with outstretched arms?

yes His arms are reaching down to me

reach to Him

yes His arms are lifting me, all encompassing me, His beloved, His Beloved daughter who longs to feel like a daughter, to feel safe and loved, to know that her daddy is safe and won't hurt her, just longs to know that daddy is safe

He is

His embrace is so soft yet so strong at the same time, I dare to look up into His face and see such kindness there, such kind eyes

so my daughter, you have made it, you have finally come, I have waited a long time for you to come, have so longed for you to come and find that I am safe that I am not stern and out to punish you, my precious daughter, oh how I love you, it is so wonderful that you are here now, you are my daughter and no one will ever be able to take you away from me for ever and ever, you are mine, my door is always open to you my dear one, my arms are always available for a hug, I am welcoming you home to my heart, my dear one, an orphan no more but a daughter, not only a daughter but a princess, but most of all a daughter, a daughter who is so loved and so wanted, you are my precious daughter and I am your daddy, a safe daddy, yes my child a safe daddy, and you are my delightful daughter whose beauty I find breathtaking and who I crafted from nothing for me to love and cherish and care for, that is right, oh how I cherish you my dear one, you are always welcome, always welcome, there is never a moment when I am not watching over you because you mean so very much to me, oh how I have longed to hold you and tell you how much I love you, how cherished you are, how precious you are to me my daughter, let your heart rest from it's labours to be loved and accepted, you are totally loved and accepted by me, and so very wanted, it is ok to be you because you are just so amazing when you are just you, you are no longer an orphan, your heart has found it's home with daddy, I know you will not fear me again and I know that you will come running to me now because you know how loved you are by me, and most of all you know that I am safe, totally safe, you are not alone any more, you have a daddy here who loves you beyond words and you have a home here in my heart, you have come a long way my dear one, there was a time when you could not speak my name, then you could call me papa and then daddy, oh how it filled my heart with joy the first time you called me daddy, I was so thrilled at that, oh I was so thrilled I leapt for joy and danced a wild dance of celebration because it was such a big thing for you to be able to call me daddy, and now you are here sitting on my knee staring in to my eyes, listening to me with rapt attention, trying to take it all in and not miss anything, you know you can come back here any time you need to, I will never turn you away, I will never be too busy for you and I will always want to see you, I will always be delighted to see you because you are my child, my precious daughter and I've always time for you my dear one, the more you come the easier it will get, and one day you will look me in the eyes and say father, my father, but for now daddy is so wonderful because it is such a wonderful and big step for you, I know father is still a scary word and conjures up all sorts of stuff for you, but it is so wonderful to hear you say, papa, daddy, it is so truly wonderful to have you here my beloved daughter, it is such a delight for me to have you here, you give me so much pleasure and delight just by being here and just by being you, my daughter, my precious daughter

my daddy, my wonderful daddy it is so wonderful to hear you call me daughter, it does something so wonderful inside of me to hear you say my beloved daughter, I know I belong when I hear you call me daughter and I so need to belong

yes my daughter, you belong, you really do belong and no one will ever take you away from me, you are my cherished daughter for ever and ever and ever and oh how I cherish you

you are my daddy now and you will always be my daddy for ever and ever, I want you to be my daddy for ever and ever and ever

oh my beloved daughter to hear you say that tells me that you are really feeling safe with me and that is wonderful

yes daddy I am feeling safe with you and wishing I hadn't taken so long to come and find my home in you

oh that doesn't matter now my daughter, you are here now, and that is what matters

mmmmm it is lovely to be here

it is wonderful to hear that sigh of contentment, my love has taken away all your fear and that is wonderful to hear in your voice all that fear is gone

yes it is, wow, it sure is and all that uncertainty is gone too

oh how I love you my daughter, oh I love you, oh how I cherish you, oh how I delight in you, oh how I love you

such kindness, such incredible kindness and gentleness

so you see I am not this aloof figure who is out to trip you up and cane you

yes you are so full of love for me it is overwhelming

you are my beloved daughter, your wandering heart has found its home, to wander no more, your heart that has so longed for love has found a love it could never have imagined, and your heart which has so longed to belong and fit, belongs and fits in a way that can never be taken away from you or destroyed, oh you are healing so well my daughter, you really are doing really well, your daddy is very proud of you precious daughter, daddy is so very, very proud daughter

thank you daddy, just thank you

7 Aug 2009

Saturday, 4 July 2009

HE KNOWS MY NAME - Tommy Walker


I have a maker, He’s formed my heart, before even time began, my life was in His hand, He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call, I have a father; He calls me His own, He’ll never leave me no matter where I go, He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call. He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call. He knows your name, He knows your every thought, He sees all those tears that falls, and He hears you when you call.

Saturday, 27 June 2009


My daughter I think only good things
When I look upon you my beloved
You are so very precious to me
I cannot think bad things about you

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

I cannot think bad things about you
Because you are so very precious to me
I think only wonderful things about you
When I look at you and admire your beauty

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

I think positive life giving thoughts over you
I speak positive life giving words over you
I plant positive life giving thoughts in your mind
I touch you with positive life giving touch

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

Do not fear my love, my beloved daughter
Do not run away from my love my precious
Receive all the love that I have to give you
For it will heal and restore your broken places

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are accepted completely my treasure
Please receive all the love and acceptance
I wish to bestow upon you, my beloved
Don’t board your heart up in fear

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are my mighty deliverer and healer
Restorer of body, mind and emotions
You adorn with me precious jewels
From heaven’s own jewellery room

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are my help and my mighty avenger
You are my defender and my justifier
You dress me in shimmering white
And put beautiful robes upon me

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You take my shame and give me dignity
You take my pain and give me beauty
You take me in your arms and lead me
In a very graceful delightful dance

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

Thank you for your precious love my Jesus
Lover of my soul, my husband, my friend
I love to sing and dance with you
I open my heart to your love for me

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

26 June 2009


I am YOUR beautiful butterfly
I am flying graceful and free
Fragile and delicate
Majestic and beautiful
Intricate and adored
Admired and loved

Made to be me, just me
In all my wonderful array
Of beautiful amazing colours
I am breaktakingly beautiful
I am so graceful and inspiring
I am so free, free to fly, to be

I am blue, green, purple and maroon
Maroon, blue, green and purple
Purple, maroon, blue and green
Green, blue, maroon and purple
Intricately coloured and designed
The colours you have given me

Designed to be free to flutter
Designed to fly high in the sky
I am YOUR beautiful butterfly
I am one of a kind
Unique and chosen
To reflect my makers glory

To spread my wings
Wide to the sun
And let my colours shine
In all their glorious
Technicolour design
I am your beautiful butterfly

Cared for and so admired
By you, my creator
I spread my wings for you
So you can see all my colours
And the intricate design
And be amazed yet again

I love to ever so gently land
on the end of your finger
knowing you won’t blow me off
or brush me off either
I love to see your smile
As you admire my beauty

I am YOUR beautiful butterfly
Fragile and delicate
Majestic and beautiful
Intricate and adored
Admired and loved
Graceful and inspiring


26 June 2009