I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

A CONVERSATION WITH JESUS

Jesus whispered to me

“I've loved you all your days and will never stop loving you”

all of the days of my life were written in your book before I was formed every single one of them you formed me with your very own hands I am your craftsmanship and you were pleased with what you made and you are still pleased with what you made

“you are so precious before my eyes that I cannot take my eyes off you my heart longs for you to gain an understanding, deep appreciation in your spirit of how much I love you how dearly I love you”

you actually like me and you delight in me and sing and dance over me and nothing and no one can take that away from me

“how my heart longs for you to gain an understanding, deep appreciation in your spirit of how precious you are to me my beloved and how I long for you to trust me and to trust that my love is a safe love”

can I really be safe?

“you can be safe with me you can my child you can stop running it's time to stop running scared”

help me to stop running to stop being scared to believe that you could love me Jesus when all others have rejected and said Fi you're bad and given up on me and decided that I'm just too heavy duty it would be nice to feel safe one day

“I have loved you with an everlasting love my daughter”

thank you Jesus that you won't ever belittle me you want me to shine with your light and your life as a beacon of hope

“My love is a love that spans eternity and is like a circle, it never ends I love you and I always have loved you, my love is everlasting”

and most of all you just long for me to be me and to be secure in who you made me to be. Thank you Jesus, I love the way that you are using circumstances to bring deep healing right deep in my shattered identity, that I am finding my identity in you as your beloved. But not only am I your beloved but I am beloved, I am beloved!!! That's pretty astounding - that I am beloved - beloved not rejected - beloved not forsaken - beloved not abandoned - beloved and never alone - beloved and totally wanted - beloved and totally accepted - beloved and fearfully and wonderfully made - beloved and beautiful - beloved and precious. Thank you Jesus, no one and nothing can take that away from me because it has been downloaded and engraved into my spirit .

I see a hand and it is writing beautiful embossed writing like on a carcass but I knew that was my inside, somewhere deep in my spirit. I saw that writing being branded and sealed with a hot iron. I saw steam coming off it. I saw a nod of approval and heard the words 'it is well done' as they were sealed with the hot iron. Steam came off the letters as the hot iron was applied and I just knew somehow that the hot iron was sealing the letters so they couldn't get smudged or erased. I saw a parchment too that there is a record held in heaven too that's what I saw

I THANK YOU HAVE SHOWED ME THAT I AM YOUR BELOVED AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN ME AS BELOVED YOU HAVE NOT LEFT ME OR FORSAKEN ME YOU LOVE ME WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE YOU HAVE FORGIVEN ME ALL OF MY OFFENSES YOU MADE ME A DAUGHTER WHEN I SAID JESUS COME IN TO MY LIFE I AM MORE PRECIOUS TO YOU THAN DIAMONDS


22 January 2009

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Fi
That's amazing that He has whispered that to you. It really helped me today. I have been feeling so depressed especially yesterday. Today I've felt his strength to carry on & wait for more deep healing!
See you soon
Love ya
Steph