I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Thursday, 19 February 2009


The Lord tells my heart He loves you so much, that you’ve suffered and He’s been there every step of the way. You are so very loved, your life is very special, you have a great testimony to give and talents so awesome. Please don’t ever ever give up, you gotta do things here for Him! You are a real blessing in the household of the Lord. Sweet beloved you are really loved by the Lord He’s got great things. I seen you rejected in my heart. The Lord says no more because He never has done that, it was the enemy because you look like Jesus.

Oh sister, He wants you to know this very much!!! You are so not alone, you’ve got 10,000 angels in your midst. You are really called of the Lord and doors will open because the Lord is opening them Himself you just have to walk through them, believe this.


I felt so much love for you and heard him speaking to me about you. How wonderful this is. I don’t even know the life you have lived but the Lord does and He personally talks about you. Now that is wondrous. WOW I hear him saying vindication, I’m not sure what that means but it belongs to you like a gift. I will vindicate you he says you know what this means. I hear it like He’s a loving dad who says that’s enough no more messin with my child.


You have come a long way, a long long way, the devil is defeated and GOD IS EXALTED. Hold these words in your heart and mind. I sense a new beginning here, it’s happening, we need to pray the LORD leads it all and let him lead it. You’ve got new things coming, great things, new beginnings, completion of all the hard things you went through and rewards are being handed to you. Oh my you are really on the threshold of this new life oh halleluiah GOD is good you are being brought new beginnings this day halleluiah. THE RIGHTEOUS REIGN!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU REIGN you are under authority but have HIS authority.

17 Feb 2009

Sunday, 15 February 2009


Thank you Jesus that you can be trusted completely

Yes Jesus I realise that you are totally trustworthy and totally safe and that I can trust you that you are a safe person and that I can feel safe in my relationship with you and that I can feel secure in you I have stopped running tonight

Jesus I have stopped running scared and I am sitting here at your feet listening to you letting you minister deep inside me

There aren't any no go areas anymore

9 February 2009


you are wanted by the Lord and loved by Him and me too even though we have not met in person you are wanted and God is giving you friends that are friends till we leave this earth Excellent GODLY friends that will never hurt you or forsake you or talk about you just love you and help you

how deep your fear is what you have gone through all the years was just jam packed deep and more and more on top done the same jammed down punch punch punch every corner jam packed - the uncovering of the damage is being done layer by layer He is going to mightily use you to help others because you have had more hurt and damage done to you than a lot of people have You will understand and the Lord will show You how to help each one and none will be the same YOU have been beaten slammed stabbed twisted arms broken heart stomped hair pulled molested in the most vile way so much love will come out of you that you never knew existed YOUR BROKEN HEART MIND AND BODY TOTALLY RESTORED whew!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE TRULY HIS BELOVED HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAS CALLED YOU TO AND WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING He is your life, your hope no other can get you through - that door seems so far away to you, Freedom is on the other side and you are going through it freedom you have never known

you were a drag for them they looked at you as a hindrance but now you are a help and servant of the Lord you are not a drag to Him he is life and healing to your health and marrow to your bones He is giving life to your body He delights in you remember in Psalm 18 He is delivering you because He delights in You and you will never be put to shame it says He is bringing life giving peace bathing you in it bringing light and life to those dead places inside and healing the damage caused by the trauma and He will heal the internal damage too He just said that nothing is beyond His reach not even the internal damage which caused the Dr's to say you could never conceive God is recreating what the devil stole from your childhood you went to the enemies camp and TOOK BACK WHAT HE STOLE FROM YOU AND HE IS UNDER YOUR FEET YOU WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED AGAIN

I am raising you up out of the ashes where you were dumped and left there to die you live in Me and i am raising you up to do my work-----My work YOU are My daughter and I AM your GOD I am well pleased with you so walk with your head erect and your eyes focused on Me totally I will lead you and guide you into all truth and where i want you to go and do what I want you to do FOR YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER BELOVED FIONA

know that He loves you so much, desires to see you live and lead others who have had similar or worse experiences to Him and lead them to the waters of life His word and to healing and wholeness just like He is doing for you YOU ARE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN GOLD HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH WORTH YOU HAVE IN HIM YOU ARE NOT JUST SOMEBODY AND NO ONE WANTS YOU ARE SOMEBODY THAT JESUS WANTS AND THE FATHER AND HOLY SPIRIT LISTEN TO THEM THEY ARE YOUR TRAINERS IN JUSTICE, MERCY, KINDNESS AND LOVE TO DO LIKEWISE TO OTHERS THAT ARE HURTING

He has plans to prosper you, you are cherished by Jesus and you are one who the enemy tried to destroy because he's terrified of you there are tremors and shaking going on in the darkness because you are being freed you will send the enemy fleeing and screaming because of what Jesus is going to do through you now that you are living in truth and see the lies for what they are you won’t tolerate the lies anymore and will recognize them in others and be able to show them the truth and set them free from the lies they believe Jesus will reveal more and more of His love to you and show you who you are there is a wind that has blown and the enemy is being removed and your parts are getting loved on and healed you are very creative there are ways you are going to glorify and worship God that will touch others I see you painting wait on the LORD and see what He is about to do there are ways you write and express yourself that He will use also to bring healing and salvation to others with as you get healed and lies are replaced with the truth you will be of greater influence

Jesus has come to bring you an abundant life He is doing things so you can live in abundance for such a time as this He is going to have you walking in joy and the compassion in your heart will move the Father's heart that people who are wounded will be healed it is because of the compassion you have because you have been wounded and are being healed and loved by God that you will see Him heal others with similar wounding you are going to have deeper revelation and insight not only to God but in others and be able to partner with Him in watching others be freed and you will be blessed it is so much fun to be allowed to partner and see the miracle of God's healing touch because He really cares about every little detail you said that others are being touched by your writing wait and see when all your parts are healed and the fullness of your gifting is released that is why the enemy is terrified of you because you are already damaging his kingdom while broken imagine what it will look like when you are whole

God is going to restore you and make you whole and the enemy is going to regret the day he first started harming you - you are in process of being integrated and Jesus only does perfect work there won’t be a loose end or anything left incomplete when He's finished He is better than we know it is a journey that reveals to us every day more and more how wonderful He truly is He truly cherishes us He saw your unformed substance in your mothers womb and knitted you together He personally knitted you together and wrote a book of all your days before one came to be He dotes over you and sings and rejoices over you and is always thinking of you waiting to hear you call out His name "there is my daughter calling to me" adopted children are loved more because the adoptive parent really wants the child He’ll keep revealing to you more in depth for you so you can receive it and know it GOD is softening your heart and your manner of doing things

8th February 2009

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

The Lord is My Shepherd

The Lord is my Shepherd ----- that's a Relationship!
I shall not want ----- that's Supply!
He makes me to lie down in green pastures ---- that's Rest!
He leads me beside the still waters ----- that's Refreshment!
He restores my soul ----- that's Healing!
He leads me in the paths of righteousness ---- that's Guidance!
For His name's sake ----- that's Purpose!
Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ---- that's Testing!
I will fear no evil ----- that's Protection!
For You are with me ----- that's Faithfulness!
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me -----that's Discipline!
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies------- Now that's hope!

You anoint my head with oil ----- that's Consecration!
My cup runs over ----- that's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life ----that's Blessing!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord -----that's Security!
Forever ----- that's Eternity!

Written by a friend, reproduced and edited by kind permission