I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Sunday, 31 May 2009


During the week before this happened, I had been going through really painful days when I could not sense Jesus with me at all, but I kept holding on to the fact that He said He’d always be with me, and it was not lost on Jesus -
Jesus is saying how proud He is of me, how I stuck believing what He'd told me through the days I couldn't see or sense Him that He never left my side, there was a time when I would have said ah well He's gone knew I couldn't trust a word He said, but those days are gone, I now believe and depend on His word even when I can't see or sense Him and He is very proud of that, will you stop being so hard on yourself and ease up on yourself you're doing great, He said that with a big laugh, so many times in the last week I’ve been asked is Jesus there, and my reply has been yes because He said He would be, that has really gladdened Jesus' heart, He is so thrilled to see my level of faith and trust in Him and in His word, He is very proud of me, He keeps saying it over and over

that is because it is true what He is telling you

I am just revelling in His praise and basking in His love for me, letting it soothe and heal and go deep into me, I am making myself linger and not rush on

yes take all the time you need to take

I see myself and I see myself wearing several belts of different kinds, made of different materials of different thicknesses and He has one solid thick belt that He wants to put on me but I've got to take off all the belts that I am wearing first, they are all sorts of colours too, I have to take all the belts off so that the one big one He has for me will fit snugly

Yes it sounds like a belt of unity, He will tell you though

I keep getting the word truth; that each belt represents certain lies I have believed


but the belts will not come off automatically, I will have to choose to undo it and remove it, at the moment I believe so many contrary things about myself that I don't really know what I believe and find it hard to distinguish truth from lie

choose to undo the belts so His belt of truth will clear up the lies

yes at the moment there are so many parts of me believing so many different things but those parts will become one eventually all believing the same thing


the truth of who I truly am in Jesus that the belt of truth will unite all the parts under one truth, wow

yes awesome

incredible, such peace stilling my restlessness


24 May 2009

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