I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 4 May 2009


The last few days have been very difficult ones because God has been going very deep, revealing detail of horrific torture and rituals that I suffered at the hands of my parents over a number of years. I knew I had been tortured but the detail has been very hard to deal with. At the same time He has been reminding me of the threats that were made to me if I ever told, some of those threats were death threats. I have been walking a very difficult frightening path in not refusing to maintain my silence and in speaking out those terrible things. And my multiples/alters have also felt very frightened and unsure at times.

And then the following scripture came to me through a friend:-

Habakkuk 3: 19

"The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army . . . He makes my feet . . not to stand still in terror but to walk and make progress upon my high places of trouble and suffering."

And then Jesus spoke the following words of reassurance to me:-

you are not without protection, it may feel like it but you aren't, I am your protector and I will not, I will not, I will not let them near you ever again, you have me and the angels protecting you, you can believe in our protection, you can believe in us, you can sleep easy because nothing will happen to you in your sleep, you can go out without looking over your shoulder all the time because we are with you, let us take that weight from you and worry about keeping you safe, I want you to start living as if they were not alive anymore and not a threat to you, because actually they are as good as dead to you, let me deal with them and do the work of protecting you, you can trust us with your security, it is not your job anymore to keep yourself safe, it is our job and we never sleep or take naps or slip off for a break, no we are there all the time, 24/7, making sure that you and everything that pertains to you are kept safe and secure at all times, I know you fear the power of their witchcraft but my power is far greater, they cannot and will not get past me, rest from the worry and fear, let me erase those threats from your mind and your heart, let me fill you with the reassurance that you are safe now, they cannot and will not ever harm you again, I love you so much my dear Fiona that I will move heaven and earth to ensure your safety, that is how much I love you, yes Fi you can depend upon that you can hand your security over to me and know it is in safe hands, you have done a great job over the years of keeping yourself safe but it has also kept you very alone, let me take on the job of keeping you safe while you start to live a little, I will prevail, my power is greater than his, the enemy will not prevail over you Fiona, you can feel safe, you truly can feel safe, the enemy will not prevail over you, he shall not, he shall not, the enemy will NOT prevail, I want to have you whole and happy, you are safe and it is all going to be alright because I am in control and I am with you all the time

3 May 2009

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