I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Friday, 25 September 2009


The last few days I’ve been walking through what has been like a very dark cloud full of pain and tears. The pain too deep to even know what it was about or what part of me was hurting. The tears were like someone had turned a tap on and the washer had got stuck and the tap couldn’t be turned off. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying the tears just poured all the more

It was very hard to sense Jesus in that dark cloud. All I could do was to hold on to His words to me that He would never ever leave me or forsake me, both in scripture and personally spoken to me

Then this afternoon Jesus tenderly spoke four words to me – ‘I AM WITH YOU’

Those four words transformed my day and light came into the darkness as assurance flooded in

I love the tenderness of Jesus. His tenderness reaches down into the deepest parts of me. So often I sit with Him and begin to cry just because of His sheer tenderness and understanding

He spoke those four words with such unmistakable tenderness, understanding and reassurance but also with incredible authority too. It is hard to describe, it really is, so much was wrapped up in those four words. But His tender compassion reached out to me today and broke through the pain

I believe that Jesus wants to speak those words to you as you are sitting reading this

Do you feel all alone in your hurt? If you do, listen for His tender voice and let His tender love, understanding and compassion reach in and say ‘I AM WITH YOU’

24 Sep 2009

Saturday, 19 September 2009

I Know You Through and Through

I know you through and through. I understand you well so you can come to ME with all your questions, all your struggles. I know you, you do not have to explain, I understand you and I know how you are. I know your thoughts, your feelings, because I have made you, I know how you think and why you think like this.

I will give you a deep revelation of my love because your thoughts are sometimes so busy and your thoughts are sometimes guided by influences of yourself.

I will teach you, I will show you the way. I will give you rest. But just trust ME. I know who you are. I know what you think. I know how you feel. I know it all. If you trust me, if you really dare to let go everything and if you trust me, I will give you love so large that MY love in you will remove fear.

I am love. If you see ME, see MY eyes full of love. Therefore, any thought that you would have that I do not love you, is a lie for I AM love. Every thought, every feeling that I'm not there for you is a lie.

I am your Father, I AM made you, I AM your Creator. If you dare to trust ME, if you dare to be guided by MY word, if you dare to be guided by what I in MY word say to you, and what MY Spirit in your heart submit, you will see MY Word is reliable. Trust ME, dare to lay your life in MY hands. Dare to let go everything and as a child, to see ME. I answer your questions.

It’s ME, I AM.

It’s not what you think. Not what you try to find out. I want to teach you MY child. Rest in ME. Let your mind just to unwind. Let your mind but loose because I AM your answer. I AM, and I will help you. I AM there for you. I speak to you and I have a plan for your life. I have a much higher way for you, a road much nicer; a road where you'll find ME really, you were not meant to wander around, you're not a sheep who must find the grass to eat.

I want to guide your life, I want you to give you direction, you would never have to search for clear water, or to enjoy fresh green grass. If you trust ME, you will know much happiness in your life because I am joy.

If you really look for ME without adhering to the old, without adhering to what others offer you, but if you really want MY heart, if you really want MY searches, if you let your heart out to ME, so I can let you know ME, then you will know true happiness.

Wednesday, 16 September 2009


He shines brighter than the most radiant Sun, He is live forever, exalted far above all powers, so much stronger than anything that exists. Its light is so beautiful that it dispels the deepest darkness. He is the King above all kings. He has perfect and eternal dominion. Nothing and nobody can match him.

There are billions of angels, endless armies of mighty angels, cheering and dancing before Him in pure awe and admiration. Jesus is the ultimate joy of the Father. HE is the joy of the people and of the angels.

He was with the Father before creation and He is exalted higher than any one or any thing that has a name. He reigns over all powers, powers, authorities and dominions. His light is the life for humanity.

He is the saviour, the Redeemer, powerful healer, the sublime master in everything. Nothing or nobody can match him. His beauty is staggering and devastating. Evil differs in fear for his brilliant appearance.

He is righteous and pure in everything he does, says and thinks. He is the light of the world. His word is like a torturous fire that destroys the sin. A sharp two-edged sword from his mouth which he strikes the earth and kill the beast. He is the great alarmist in the darkness and ushers in great joy in the people who love him. It changes everything, turns everything upside down. Who is like Jesus? Risen from the dead, forever risen, reigning without end. I love Jesus so much! He is our King, our Lord, the perfect winner! He gives us victory and makes the future beautiful and hopeful.

Words are falling too short; He is real and so strong, sweet, pure, joyful, bright, for our natural understanding but He has given us that understanding in His salvation of redeeming love.

He is here. Hallelujah!! The angels are in awe of Him. Open our eyes Lord that we are amazed and speechless with passion by you, to see with the eyes of the Holy Spirit.