I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 7 December 2009


God did a huge work of healing in me as I slept last night.

What happened was that I had a very vivid dream. I dreamed that I was back at school miscarrying the baby that I called Phil when Jesus brought the babies into my flat for me to hold and name a few months ago. Up until now I’ve felt a lot of trauma over that miscarriage and I vividly remember how scared and alone I felt when I found myself bleeding and couldn’t tell anyone.

In the dream I saw the 13-year old me go into the toilet cubicle and then I became the 13-year old me there. I was already bleeding before I went into the cubicle and I didn’t know what to do except to go hide in the toilet till I stopped bleeding. I was really scared and didn’t really know what was happening. I saw angels there and Jesus too. I watched Him reach into the toilet bowl and rescue the remains of what I had miscarried. And I just knew that the angels were there to minister to me.

For a long, long time I’ve had a feeling of enormous trauma and grief over what happened that day. When I woke up I was able to think about it without that trauma and grief and I have a real sense of closure, not just of this occasion but of all the miscarriages I had. And it is an amazing feeling too, like something has released off of me.

I am amazed, no astounded, at the depth of healing that God did during my sleep!

7 Dec 2009

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