I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Saturday, 9 January 2010


Last night Jesus took me back to the day that my parents disowned me and left me for dead in the snow.

He walked me through the events of the day and showed me where He was in it all and how He protected me and kept me alive. He helped me understand some of the dynamics of what happened that day and negated all the lies and curses that had been spoken over me that day.

This all took a good 2-3 hours.

At the end of it I was able hand over to Him all the hurt and trauma of that day’s events.

After that I went to bed and throughout the night I seemed to dream about snakes. I had many dreams of many places that I didn’t recognise but the same theme in each dream, snakes of many shapes, sizes, colours and types. This thoroughly disturbed me, so I said to Jesus why did I dream all those dreams about snakes? It really disturbed me.

His response was don’t be disturbed because none of those snakes was alive. Did you not notice that they were all lifeless and inert and had no heads?

I stopped and thought back and realised that, yes, that was the case. So my next question was so what did it all mean then?

He said that before last night’s healing those snakes had been alive and well. Some had been spitting out venomous lies to me that I’d believed about myself without really questioning. Other snakes had been wrapped around me in various places squeezing the very life out of me. Finally, other snakes had been biting me and injecting their venom direct into my blood stream, constantly reminding me of terrible curses spoken against me by my mother, which had gone very deep into my consciousness and caused immense trauma to me deep inside.

By allowing Jesus to walk me through that day’s events and then handing over the hurt and trauma to Him cut off the heads of all the snakes and killed them all.

He allowed those dreams because He wanted me to see just how many snakes there had been and how powerful the work I did with Him last night actually was.

9th January 2009

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