I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 3 March 2010


Wandering round town yesterday the shops were full of Mother’s Day stuff – it will be Mother’s Day a week on Sunday. Seeing the Mother’s Day stuff reminded me of my babies.

There aren’t many days when I don’t think about my babies and I’m able to think about them now without that unbearable searing pain that tore right through me. It amazes me that that is the case!!! At least I don’t hurt over them now, Jesus has done a lot of healing in me, but I do ache for them.

Today I was feeling a really deep ache inside thinking about Macey, Faith, Charlie, Shaun, Tricia, Trudi, Phil and Joy. Just wanting to be able to hold them and look in their eyes and tell them that momma loves them and seeing that they do believe me. I know that they’re safe and being brought up in heaven, but they’ll always be my babies and I ache to hold them and love on them and be a momma to them.

2 March 2010

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