I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

TREMORS

Shifting, churning, sliding, changing, tumbling, shaking, stumbling, everything wibbly wobbly, insecure, slipping

The tectonic plates of my life are all shifting around, earthquakes and tremors mean solid rock is becoming liquid under my feet, how can rock become liquid like that?

Slipping, sliding, shaking, moving, shifting, stumbling, shifting sands, rocks, wibbly wobbly, insecure, nothing is certain, everything wobbling around, right from the very core, so insecure, so unsure, so afraid, yet I know it’s gonna be ok

Earthquake, tremors, ground is sliding under me, buckling, shaking, opening up in front of me, yawning chasms, jumping the gaps, trying not to slip, sliding, falling, wobbling, all over the place, everywhere I turn solid ground is shifting and turning into huge chasms so deep, too deep to see

So deep, so very deep, scary, nothing solid, nothing secure, climbing obstacles, jumping gaps, nothing solid, nothing to hold on to, jumping, slipping, holding on, falling, everything shifting, changing all around me, please stop, it’s gotta stop sometime, please stop, yet something in me knows it’s gonna be ok

It’s gotta stop sometime, just gotta weather this, it can’t go on forever, it can’t keep shifting and buckling, keep balancing, jumping, shift with each movement, go with the flow, go with it, don’t resist or go against it, it will stop eventually, it will be ok, I know that it’s gonna be ok, eventually


19th April 2010

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am trying to imagine what it must be like for you... all the upheaval, all the opening up of the deep places in your soul... the pain... and how everything is not as it was before... and yet all this shifting, moving, "liquid rock" and scrambling for solid footing is but part of the journey to wholeness. Keep believing the One who is saying, "Its going to be okay." It will. It really will.
And I believe that He will never allow you to slip down a chasm nor lose your footing on a slippery surface... because although it may not seem like it, actually, He is carrying you.
Love you, Princess Fi!

PRINCESS FI said...

Thank you, it is an amazing journey that I am on!!!