I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 3 May 2010


I came across the following quote by “International Domestic Violence Memorial” on Facebook today. I found it so helpful that I decided to reproduce it on my blog here because it states exactly why it is so very hard for me to break my silence and believe that I will be believed.

“Abusers are not easy to spot. There is no 'typical' abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. They often only abuse behind closed doors. They also try to hide the abuse by causing injuries that can be hidden and do not need a doctor. Abuse is never a one time event.”

I lived with the reality of that quote.

My abusers were very good at hitting me in places that could not be seen by other people, causing injuries that could be easily hidden. They abused mainly behind closed doors and were frighteningly very clever, calculating and deliberate in what they did and how they did it. It was such a horrendous atmosphere of constant terror that I lived with. In public my abusers could be very charming and plausible but I knew how cruel they were behind closed doors. They had a veneer of respectability being church goers and doing loads of charity work in the community. To the outside world it was an act of being a happy, smiley family. But behind closed doors the real truth was very different.

I hated that and so wanted people to see past all that superficiality and recognise something was wrong, but no one did. I did try to tell folks at church that I wasn’t happy at home, but was told to stop speaking badly about my parents and to respect them as they were upstanding members of the church.

I felt trapped and alone and hated living the lie of pretending everything was ok when everything was just horrific.


Eve said...

I hate that you have gone through this. I hope you continue to speak up and heal.
I believe you.


thank you, really appreciate that!!