I spent my childhood dreaming . . .
Dreaming that one day I would meet my 'real' parents . . .
Dreaming that these people who called themselves my parents would turn out to have just adopted me because I couldn't believe anyone could be so deliberately and systematically cruel to their own flesh and blood. It was very lonely and isolating living in that hell hole with none to rescue me and just the dream that one day I'd meet my 'real' parents keeping me going
Sadly that childhood dream became a nightmare . . .
A nightmare of the agony of the realisation that they were my real parents and that there are no loving 'real' parents out there, and there never will be!!!
So I stopped dreaming
As the years passed the pain has not lessened but increased with the passage of time. It feels really unfair to have gone through all that pain in the first place. And it feels really unfair to know that in order to heal it will take excruciating pain and a lot of courage. I look at this mess of pain, shame, fear and broken dreams that I never caused in the first place and it all feels so unfair, I was an innocent child, I must never forget that.
The most unfair thing is how my life has been so devastated, shattered, destroyed, along with my childhood dream
But somehow I found the strength from within to start dreaming again . .
I dream that all my shattered pieces will be retrieved, none lost along the way . . .
I dream that this little humpty dumpty will be put back together again . .
I dream that one day the dark clouds will be chased away by nice fluffy white ones . . .
I dream that one day the storms will stop rumbling around and around and the sun will come out and stay out . . .
I dream that one day it won’t hurt to be alive . . .
I dream that one day it won’t hurt to remember . . .
I dream that one day it won’t hurt to be me . . .
And it is that dream that keeps me going . . .
It’s time to dream again and this time it is a nice dream and this time I promise to myself to not stop dreaming because the day I stop dreaming is the day I stop living
I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!