I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Sunday, 17 October 2010


My entire Autobiography is now published online on my autobiographical blog, "From Chrysalis to Beautiful Butterfly".

It is the true story of my life in 13 chapters.

It is in part a harrowing read but it is the TRUTH of the horror that was the first 20 years of my life.

I'm avoiding the word 'story' because although it is my life's story, the word 'story' gives an impression of something being made up.

I can assure you that I've not made any of it up. Instead I've so often wanted to change history and wished it wasn't true.

I've also deliberately underplayed the true horror.

I've tried to give enough detail so the reader has a clear picture of what truly happened while avoiding gratuitous details along the way.

My Autobiography tells of the abuse and torture I endured.

It tells of my struggles to cope and stay alive during the 24 years which have passed since being forcibly ejected from the family home and disowned.

It tells of my fight to get past religion and discover that God is very loving and accepting and is not a big man with a beard and a big stick ready to pounce on you and beat you when you step out of line.

It tells of my relationship with God, tentative at times, but also the strength of my life and the reason for me living.

It tells of God's love for me and of God's healing. It tells of God's encouragement and support which has kept me alive, given my life purpose and restored my dignity.

It tells of how God has given me the strength to stay alive and how HE gave me reasons to live. It tells of how God gave me the strength and courage to stop running from my past and begin to face the true horror I'd survived.

It also tells of how I came to expose my abusers to the police and what resulted from that.

It tells of devastation, betrayal, terrible acts of violation but also the restoration of hope through God's work in my heart.

It tells that it is possible to start over, however tentatively.

It tells that it is possible to begin to trust.

It tells that it is possible to face the truth without being consumed by the horror of it.

It tells of a life which was so nearly destroyed but now something beautiful is arising out of the ashes of the despair, depression and horror that has kept me imprisoned all these years.

It will bring you completely up to date with what's going on and what I'm trying to process at the moment. I've begun a 14th chapter, but that is in very early stages.

To read my autobiography please go to.


If anyone knows how to go about publishing a book without spending a lot of money I'd love to hear from you.

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