I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 8 November 2010


Damn feelings that get in the way of everyday life
Damn the deep trauma that causes disassociation
Damn unreliable people who don’t stop and think of the consequences of their actions
Damn appointments that get cancelled at the last minute when you need them the most
Damn promises to phone you back that are not honoured
Damn memories that pour out at the most inopportune moments
Damn nightmares and night terrors that interrupt my sleep and tire me out
Damn the abusers who’ve left me with this horrific legacy
Damn the abuse for happening in the first place
Damn the unfairness that I have to do so much hard work to heal
Damn the hurt and pain of the memories, nightmares and healing processes
Damn the fact that child abuse happens at all
Damn child abuse for the lives it shatters
Damn the abuse that has so destroyed my life
Damn feelings that threaten to overwhelm and take centre stage
Is there ever an end to all these damn feelings?



Bongo said...

DAMN FEELINGS...People keep telling me these are just feelings and they are just that...that they aren't actions ..blah blah blah...but I run on feelings and they make or break my day.. I so get you Fi ..and I'm right along side you...Thank you for your words.... :)


I know feelings are so darned powerful... people who've not had to deal with such strong feelings have no idea what it is to live with feelings than can so easily, as you say, make or break your day. Hugs to you!! :)