I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Saturday, 4 December 2010



Footsteps ... oh how I remember the sound of footsteps
I remember the terror in my heart
I remember the confusion in my mind
As I heard ... those footsteps heading to my room

Footsteps steadily coming up the stairs
Footsteps coming along the hallway
Stopping on the landing outside my bedroom door
My heart skips a beat and I think “please no

I turn over in bed, close my eyes tight
I don’t want to see the door handle depress
Oh please, please ignore me if I look asleep
Lying there trying so very hard not to breathe

My heart beating wildly out of my chest
Lying there, my eyes closed tight as tight can be
Feeling a hand rough on my back makes me jump
Hearing his ragged breathing makes me feel sick

Feeling his breath on my neck fills me with terror
Please go away, don’t make me do this
The voice hisses “keep quiet, don’t make a noise”
“Just remember it’s our little secret, you little whore

I feel so used, so dirty, so violated, so alone
Eventually footsteps head out the room
I hear them go to the bedroom next door
As the footsteps stop it’s all over for tonight

No more footsteps striking terror into my heart
For tonight, anyway, till the next time



sarah said...

just found your blog...glad I did....Stay strong okay....


Hi Sarah, I'm so glad you found it too and so happy it was helpful to you too, thanks for saying hi!