I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

MY DEFINITION OF "LOVE"

My definition of love was about doing whatever was required of me to meet whatever they wanted from me. 

Love was all about obligation, hurt, pain, shame, fear, terror, appeasement, manipulation, degradation, brutality, humiliation, power, abandonment, isolation, keeping quiet, never questioning, loyalty, insinuations, suspicion, allegations, scapegoating, confusion, never being real, superficiality, obedience, control. 

Wow, no wonder my understanding of love is so skewed. No wonder I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to relationships or love. 

Whatever I did it was never enough so love for me was always requiring more of me than I could give. It was about never being good enough. It was always about falling short.

1 comment:

Eve said...

Praying that the Lord will continue to show you what real love is.