I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Saturday, 25 June 2011


There is a really useful website which I want to share with you. 


It looks a little more in depth into Dissociative Identity Disorder with a focus on discussing the different types of alters that can occur. 

I already knew much of this from my own experience of getting to know my own alters but it was so good to have it confirmed and explained in detail. 

It was in 2009 that I first became aware of that I had alters. It was when I was working through the Satanic Ritual Abuse I experienced. It was fascinating for me to discover how my mind had not shattered and how dissociation had enabled me to cope with the horror and extreme trauma. I also found it intriguing to discover how different alters carried different memories of different instances of abuse. It was during that process that I became aware of the fact I had over 500 alters, at a conservative calculation. I have a list which details the gender, names and ages for approximately 270 alters.

When I was in the first stages of discovering I had alters I was both shocked and confused to find I had male and female alters, I assumed because I was female all my alters would be female. But in understanding how I came about to have cross-gender alters helped to explain where some of my own gender confusion comes from. I also realised some of my alters appeared to be neither male nor female which confused me too but this article explains that.

I was also aware of having controllers, protectors and helpers. I was also aware of many ‘little ones’ who have very strong feelings about the abuse and the abusers. They love to play with toy bricks, soft toys and to have treats such as sweets and ice creams. 

I have little ones of all ages from tiny babies to stroppy teenagers. They remember the hurt and pain very clearly and like this article states, they are frozen in time, in the trauma of the abuse that caused the split.

This is an incredibly useful article in explaining in easy to read and understand language how the different alters work and interact. It also helps me understand how I’ve been able to function and live day to day life and the role of certain alters in making that possible.

The types of alter discussed in the article are:- 

Presenters, Protectors, Littles, Cognitives, Internal Helpers, Internal sabotagers, Cross gender alters, Internal leaders, Animal alters, Inanimate object alters, Disabled alters

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