I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Tuesday, 7 June 2011


I met with 'T' for the first time today. She is a qualified counsellor who gives her time free to a local voluntary organisation which provides therapies at a nominal fee for people on benefits in my town. I paid a fiver for my hour with her, which is a really good deal.

'T' is the first qualified counsellor I've met as a patient in the mental health scene.

She is a petite retired lady. She made me feel like I was really tall. I'm used to feeling really short. It felt really bizarre to be with someone much shorter than me!! I am amazed at the ground we covered during our "getting to know you" session. I could see a huge difference in how she worked with me compared to how my CPN 'K' works with me.

Rather than working on the details of the abuse which I do with 'K', me and 'T' are going to be working on self-esteem, self-worth issues, personal identity, who am I? Which is also made more complex because of the DID. We'll be working on how the abuse affects how I see myself and relate to the world around me and see where that leads us.

I feel positive about this development. I like 'T' and was stunned at how easy I found it to talk to her. 'T' is happy to see me on an open-ended weekly basis and see how we do. She seems to know what she's doing. I was really impressed by her observations and comments during our session today. It felt good and I felt very supported by her.


Eve said...

Fi! This is fantastic! I am so glad that you felt so comfortable with her! Wonderful! Your DID is a gift from the Lord. He allowed you to be able to survive through it. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! I am so happy for you!

Princess Fi said...

Hi Eve, yes she is lovely, she is very gentle and caring. I was amazed at how comfortable I was with her, I wasn't expecting that. I have a long way to go to learn to trust her and let her in. But I'm a good judge of character and my gut was telling me "she's great, she's ok". I got a real sense of "she knows what she's doing, she's really skilled" during that first session.

It's taken me a while to understand and accept the DID is actually a gift from the Lord, but I do now. I am very thankful for it and how safe Daddy designed my mind to work so that it would not shatter in the face of such total cruelty and horror!!

Eve said...

I want you to know, that right now, as I read your reply, I was absolutely filled with glee to read what you said. Fi, you are a jem! A precious jem! I am so proud of you and thankful for your life and ministry! Keep going friend! You matter! Love you!