I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Wednesday, 31 August 2011


Today's been a very hard day, much of which I spent in bed feeling really horrible finding it very hard to find a reason to force myself out of the bed to face the day. It took me until late afternoon to attempt to face the day. 

It was only when I went into my emails and opened an email from an old ChildLine colleague that I twigged and realised why I was feeling so awful. Today is 31st August 2011. The official final working day of ChildLine SW although most people ended well before today. 

My heart today is with the boss 'C', she is one of the most genuinely kind, and decent people you could ever meet. I remember walking up to the pub for the farewell party with her on 18th August. She was telling me how she was dreading today, dreading the moment her mobile and key fob were taken from her and ChildLine's closure became reality. She was very emotional during that conversation and throughout the evening. 

The NSPCC have no comprehension of the total devastation this closure has visited on so many people's lives. I still find it very difficult to accept I will never ever walk into ChildLine's base at Keble House, Exeter again. In fact that base is now gone, it no longer exists. 

And it is so wrong. 

And yes my heart is broken over it, tears are in my eyes as I type. 

I will never ever have the privilege of working in such an environment again. I am privileged to have worked there. I am not the same for the experience. It is so hard to take in that it no longer exists. But that is the case. ChildLine SW no longer exists and what a crazy action it was to close it.

I miss it immensely and I miss my old colleagues immensely too! I miss all that ChildLine SW was.


Mystic_Mom said...

I'm so sorry about this Fi, what a loss for so many. :-(

Princess Fi said...

Thanks Shanyn, yes it is a huge loss beyond anything I have words for!