On Saturday night I posted a really good article about homosexuality to my Facebook profile. The article I posted was written from an extremely compassionate viewpoint which is why I loved it so much. I knew in posting it that some of my Christian friends may have issues with the theology in it as I knew the article did not approach the subject from the traditional condemnatory judgemental approach many Christians subscribe to. Even so, I thought I knew my friends would know my heart on the issue. But I was not prepared for what happened next.
A friend posted several comments on my wall denouncing the article and denouncing me. She told me what I should and should not believe. She actually had the nerve to tell me I was “believing lies”. She also posted links to ‘Christian’ organisations who focus on ‘healing’ gays.
I was both shocked and disgusted and immediately deleted all her comments. My main reason for deleting her comments was that someone who vehemently disagrees in the way she did is not going to listen to reason. She vehemently disagreed with the theology in this article and jumped to conclusions about what I believe and about my sexuality.
I cannot have the kind of stuff she posted on my wall as I have Christian and non Christian friends, many of my friends are also survivors at different stages of their healing.
I have to think of everyone who can read my wall as well as myself and consider where I'm at on the subject and what I need and don't need at the moment.
After some thought I posted the following comment to lay down ground rules for commenting on the post –
“I WILL NOT ALLOW COMMENTS ON THIS POST WHICH ARE JUDGMENTAL AND FOLLOW THE CHRISTIAN STANDARD OF JUDGING AND CALLING ANY EXPLORATION OR UNDERSTANDING OF SEXUALITY SUCH AS THIS AS SINFUL OR BELIEVING LIES. I LOVE THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE IT IS SO COMPASSIONATE. THAT WAS MY MAIN REASON FOR POSTING IT. THE COMPASSION IN IT IS PHENOMENAL. I DID NOT POST IT TO ENTER INTO A DISCOURSE OR ARGUMENT ABOUT THIS SUBJECT WITH ANYBODY. I ALSO DID NOT POST IT TO ENTER INTO A THEOLOGICAL DEBATE. MOST OF WHAT COMES OUT OF CHRISTIAN MOUTHS CONCERNING THIS SUBJECT SERIOUSLY LACKS COMPASSION. YOU MIGHT THINK YOU HAVE MY OWN GOOD AT HEART BUT YOU ACTUALLY DO NOT KNOW WHERE I AM ON THESE ISSUES, WHAT HEALING WORK I HAVE DONE, AM DOING AND WILL DO. POSTING LINKS TO CHRISTIAN HEALING ORGANISATIONS IS ASSUMING A LOT ABOUT ME AND IS NOT HELPFUL. I AM ALREADY WELL AWARE OF THE ORGANISATIONS ANYWAY. I HAVE DELETED AND I WILL DELETE ANY COMMENTS MADE TO THIS POST WHICH DO THE ABOVE AND JUMP TO ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME, ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE AND ABOUT MY REASONS FOR POSTING THIS ARTICLE.”
I also posted the following to my status update –
I have ZERO TOLERANCE for those who think they have the right to tell other people what they should be believing and also what they should not be believing just because they don't agree with what they think [rather than know] is your theology and at the same time think their theology is the right thing to believe - please take such attitudes elsewhere and keep them off my wall”
It was a very stressful episode which happened very late at night. In fact it was nearly 1am by the time I finished posting my response and logged off.
The event played on my mind all night and I was concerned as to what may have been posted overnight.
I was pleasantly surprised when I logged in today to see several friends were supportive of what I posted and found several messages of support and encouragement.
Interestingly, I heard nothing from the person who caused all the trouble. If she was hoping for an argument I disappointed her. I was determined to not get involved in an argument or debate on the subject. I’ve had too many similar ones in the past and was not prepared to put myself through that kind of stress.
I checked later in the day and discovered she’d unfriended and blocked me.
That’s fine by me. I don’t need the kind of crap she hit me with.
I was gobsmacked at how I handled it. I stood up for myself without getting defensive. I was also assertive without being aggressive. Wow, what progress I’ve made!!