I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Friday, 23 March 2012


Following my letter appealing the decision by the DWP to deem me fit for work and expect me to attend work focused interviews I received a communication from the DWP last Saturday - it was the medical report upon which that decision was based.

I had to read it several times before I took in what I was reading and realised what they'd done. The report was written by a government approved registered nurse with a very German looking name.

The prognosis at the top of the report states “a return to work for this client is unlikely for at least 2 years.”

The next section is called “Justification for Decision” and is a report on what what I wrote on the ESA application form.

As I read it over and over I got angrier and angrier.

Virtually the whole part of this report was directly polar opposite to what I wrote on the form. The term “government sponsored fraud” sprang to mind.

I knew that they were doing exactly that when they call people for medicals – they ask the client a question and write down the complete opposite of what they say and the client has no means to prove they said otherwise.

However, I was deeply shocked to see the DWP effectively do the same thing in writing.

It blew my mind how they could possibly expect to get away with it. It also made me extremely angry to see my words changed and twisted to look and sound totally different.

It reminded me of all the crap I've gone through with the police.

It also took me to some very dark places in my childhood where I was constantly being told the reality was very different to my perception and having every single word and action twisted and turned to appear and sound totally different to what it actually was.

The final statement on the report says “a return to work for this client is unlikely in the longer term.”

Looking at the report it was if the beginning and end were written by one person and the middle section by another person. They just did not relate to each other at all. It was very bizarre and very confusing.

However, those two clear statements at the beginning and end of the report made me feel that there is no doubt this is going to be overturned somewhere along the way.

It blows my mind how anybody can read those two statements and still deem me fit for work.

I was so angry and so triggered by the report that the only way I could cope with it was to sit down at my laptop and work on a letter in response to it. I spent the entire weekend working on the letter and by Monday was satisfied that I had a response which was very clear and objective.

The bulk of the letter is taken up with taking every point they made in the middle of the report and quoting from my ESA form to show how incorrect each statement they made and how clearly stated it was on the form.

The end of the letter confronts the DWP with the statements at the beginning and end of the report and states very clearly that due to those statements and all the inaccuracies in the report they have no grounds to find me fit for work and should place me in the support group. I ask them to specifically explain how they could find someone fit for work when they've been clearly told that's unlikely for at least 2 years and in the longer term.

I sent the appeal letter off last Monday and await their response.

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