I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Friday, 19 July 2013


The last two weeka have been very traumatic for me and I am just starting to recover, hopefully a calm, quiet weekend will continue to soothe and enable my recovery.

I was very traumatised by 2 events outside of my control and this time last week was in a place of total overwhelm. I seriously self harmed and came close to slitting one of my wrists.

It was a very tough time but the support I've had from my counsellor and therapist has been superb. I've been able to pick apart, step by step, what processes I go through when I am traumatised, shut down, disassociate and self harm.

Through doing this work that we've been able to work out the points at which an intervention could interrupt the auto-pilot trauma response.

It has also enabled me to better understand what is happening for me and why and to accept and value the ways in which my mind, in particular, has helped me cope with past and present trauma.

I am beginning to do some mindfulness and self-compassion work with a Mental Health Recovery Worker which, it is hoped, will help interrupt the trauma response and enable me to eventually live at a lower level of overall stress from day to day. Just 5-minutes of mindfulnesswork with my worker were very eye-opening for me in showing me how my brain flitters about at break-neck speed.

So although I could have done without the trauma of the last 2-weeks the support I've had has helped me understand the processes involved and look at strategies for managing past, current and future trauma events in my life.

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