I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 26 August 2013


It's been a while since I've been able to post anything due to a combination of computer problems, exhaustion and all else that's been going on in my healing journey during the last couple of months.

At long last the computer problems seem to be solved and I'm in a place where I can pause and catch breath.

I've been very busy in therapy and counselling going deeper in to the abuse than I ever thought possible and going deeper in to the belief systems about myself that formed and the effects on the abuse involving every aspect of my life.

It's been very tiring but also very rewarding work! Not easy, to the contrary very hard to do but by doing the hard work of going to those really hard places has made it easier for me on all sorts of levels.

I've also begun doing some mindfulness work which is slowly impacting on my daily life and making a difference to how I am. Even if for only a few seconds a day I'm able to have respite then it's worth it!

On the issue of Dissociative Identity Disorder I had a really HUGE breakthrough!!

 It was a week or so ago that I was reading a discussion on Facebook about whether integration was necessary for healing to happen. I read this discussion and suddenly thought actually there is a third way that I have discovered for myself in my healing and that it not about integration but acceptance and communication.

As I have slowly learned to accept, appreciate and care for my child parts huge healing has taken place. The more loved, accepted and soothed my many child parts are the better I am. The more I communicate with them the more settled they feel and the easier life is for me. What I've discovered is to live in relationship with them, communicating with them, looking out for them, protecting them and loving them the best I can. As that's happened my child parts have begun to feel happier. My child parts have begun to look out for each other. And I feel very different. I don't feel at war with myself as I had done for all of my life. It has made a MASSIVE difference to us all!!!

And in danger of making a HUGE understatement - that breakthrough has made and continues to make a GREAT BIG difference to how I feel from day to day!

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