I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Sunday, 20 October 2013


I've been introduced to Mindfulness during the last couple of months or so.

Some of it I've not been able to get my head around at all. I particularly find the Mindfulness Bodt Scan very hard to engage with.

But I have found some other aspects of Mindfulness very helpful and useful.

I have a Tibetan Bell app on my tablet PC. It is set to ring every half hour. When it rings it reminds me to breahte deeply for a few seconds. That manages to centre and calm me immensely. Mindful breathing when feeling stressed gives me space to calm and gives me some respite too!!

Being mindful in my activities also helps interrupt the trauma processes in my brain. It has helped me notice my environment more and interact with it in ways which distract and calm too. Noticing things such as squirrels or interacting with dogs in the park has enabled me to begin to enjoy and be less afraid of what is going on around me.

I also love being mindful as I swim. Feeling how my body moves through the water helps me create a safe space for myself as I swim and helps me keep calm.

To start with I put myself under a lot of pressure to regularly do mindful breathing exercises which was counter productive.

I've gradually relaxed with it over time and am now happy to do it when it crosses my mind to do so and enjoy the moments of respite it gives me. I'be found that works a lot better for me!

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