The last couple of months have been very busy and very hard at times. It's always a tough time of year with lots of difficult dates, memories and body memories, There have been some very hard deep counselling and therapy sessions.
There have also been some very helpful sessions reflecting on the progress I've made. We can all see changes in my thought processes, confidence and reactions.
It's taken a lot of hard work and there is much hard work ahead, But it is fab to pause and recognise how much has changed - it gives me hope for the future.
As I type this I'm mindful of the fact that I leave for my trip to Austria tomorrow for Christmas. I'm REALLY looking forward to Christmas and that is NEW for me!!!
And I have plans in place for New Year. I have those plans in place because of a conversation I had with my CPN. We were discussing New Year and issues around it and I heard myself say "it matters because I matter". We both stopped and looked at each other realising I had just said something massive. It's the first time in my life I've said or thought anything like that about myself and that is MASSIVE!!
I will also be seeing my counsellor on New Year's Eve and that takes enormous pressure of coming home and finding a way to get through New Year.
Things are changing for me and it does me so much good to reflect on those changes as well as acknowledging what sheer hard work and determination have brought them about!!
I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!