I wrote the following words on the eve of the 28th anniversary in immense physical and emotional pain. Two days later I experienced a huge release as I spoke them to my therapist.
This is how I felt and what I thought as a 19 year old beat up and abandoned in the snow, left for dead by my parents.
"I didn't want to be alive. I was shattered. I was bewildered. I felt empty and lost. I didn't know what to make of what had happened. I couldn't take it in. I didn't know how on earth I was going to have any kind of life. The pain, the aloneness, the uncertainty, the abandonment, the despair, the shock, the loss - all blew my life apart. All I wanted to be was safe. That was all that mattered now. I was in immense shock, deeply traumatised, battered and bruised. I hoped I'd wake up from the nightmare BUT I was living it - and it was appalling!"