I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Saturday, 8 March 2014


I approached my birthday this year in February in a totally different way from I have in the past. 

Instead of treating it as a special day which had to be treated differently and coming up against all the stuff from childhood about it I decided to treat it as a normal day but do something different for lunch. And it worked, it worked really well and I felt very different. I had a special lunch at Bella Italia. I dressed smart casual in a shirt and jacket with my jeans and I felt a million dollars.

Throughout the week my birthday was in I fed on the memories of my birthday in Bavaria last year. The memories of people, places, interactions and experiences are very special to me. I felt the sparkle in my eyes and the light it brought to my inner places those memories create.

It's wonderful to have all those memories. And it's fantastic for me to be able to decide to do things slightly differently and wow, what a difference it made.

And then, I had another surprise when a friend invited me to have a birthday dinner with her family the following week. I felt very special eating roast chicken dinner and then when she presented me with a birthday cake with lit candles and a knife I was blown away. It was very precious to me!!

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