I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 28 April 2014


I had a knee operation on 1st April and have been recovering during the last four weeks. I'm  just beginning to get back towards normal routine so I thought it was time for an update.

The last month has been an emotional rollercoaster. Some of the stuff that's been challenging for me include being really poorly in reaction to the anaesthetic; taking longer to physically recover than expected; having to cope with nursing care in my flat; coping with not being able to do stuff for myself, including the most basic things; getting news that my CPN is not returning to work after long term absence; my therapist being off sick for 2 months following surgery; working with a temporary therapist in the interim; my therapy being threatened by changes to local mental health team; missing swimming; missing playing pool + all the things that contribute to my everyday wellbeing.

The knee was a partial success in that the knee has been cleaned up and is moving a lot easier. However, the operation revealed underlying osteoarthritis in the knee which wasn't such welcome news and has long term implications.

It's good to be starting to get back to "normal" now and to be finding emotional and psychological energy I've not had since before the op!