I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Sunday, 16 November 2014

FEELING SAFE

I am slowly feeling increasingly safe at home, in therapy, with people I know are safe people, when playing pool, when swimming, when down my tree - I'm learning that it's ok to figure out ways that enable me to do things + manage to feel some degree of safety when doing things outside of my home, and it's also ok to acknowledge how rare that "feeling safe" is in my life.

It's also ok to remember why it is so difficult for me to feel safe. 

There was no safe adult during my childhood. 

There was no real safe place during childhood either. 

I wasn't safe in the house. 

I wasn't safe in my bed. 

I wasn't safe with my parents.

I wasn't safe with my brother.

I wasn't safe with my grandfather.

I wasn't safe with my grandmother.

I wasn't safe with their paedophile friends.

I wasn't safe with the police either.

The only place I was safe was when I was kicked out and wandering the streets. Then it was all about being hyper-alert to threats.

It's great that I am beginning to find safe places for myself in adulthood.

I think it's fab that I am finding safe people too and trusting my gut intuition about people.

It's been quite eye-opening to me that there are safe men in the world and that there are safe women too.

It's ok for me to acknowledge when someone or something doesn't feel safe to me and to back off or hold back.

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