I am slowly feeling increasingly safe at home, in therapy, with people I know are safe people, when playing pool, when swimming, when down my tree - I'm learning that it's ok to figure out ways that enable me to do things + manage to feel some degree of safety when doing things outside of my home, and it's also ok to acknowledge how rare that "feeling safe" is in my life.
It's also ok to remember why it is so difficult for me to feel safe.
There was no safe adult during my childhood.
There was no real safe place during childhood either.
I wasn't safe in the house.
I wasn't safe in my bed.
I wasn't safe with my parents.
I wasn't safe with my brother.
I wasn't safe with my grandfather.
I wasn't safe with my grandmother.
I wasn't safe with their paedophile friends.
I wasn't safe with the police either.
The only place I was safe was when I was kicked out and wandering the streets. Then it was all about being hyper-alert to threats.
It's great that I am beginning to find safe places for myself in adulthood.
I think it's fab that I am finding safe people too and trusting my gut intuition about people.
It's been quite eye-opening to me that there are safe men in the world and that there are safe women too.
It's ok for me to acknowledge when someone or something doesn't feel safe to me and to back off or hold back.