I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!

Monday, 30 March 2015


On Saturday I attended a Ladies Day event at my local rugby club.  I've been attending home games at the club during the last few months and have been blown away by how friendly and welcoming everyone has been towards me. There's a really good vibe at the club and I've thoroughly enjoyed every match I've been to!

Going back to Ladies Day!

 It was a huge step for me to take.

It was terrifying actually. 

But I'm really glad I went. 

It is an event which the rugby club has held for the last 4-years. 

Most ladies involved in the club are there because of family or other connections to the club. Generally people were there in groups but they were very friendly and welcoming to me.

During the meal people around me expressed surprise to meet someone who was coming to the club, attending matches and the Ladies Day event because they love the game of rugby rather than know anyone at the club. I had a lovely conversation with the lady sat opposite me about the differences between rugby league and rugby union which I really enjoyed. 

The delightful two-course lunch was washed down with champagne and a vodka based cocktail courtesy of the rugby club. I was also given a token for a free drink from the bar.

I won some lovely prizes in the raffle - who says I never win nowt? My strip of tickets was the last one to be called.

It was a great game of rugby which we won 66-8. And I had a great spot on the touchline by the try lines to capture the 9 tries which we scored!

Following the conclusion of the match there were post match nibbles in the club house washed down with pink champagne! 

On my way in to the club house I passed an elderly gent who smiled at me saying "Hello sweetheart, are you having a nice day?" It was said in a really nice generous voice that genuinely wanted to know if I was having a good time. I smiled and replied that I was then walked on thinking to myself how good it felt to be called "sweetheart" by someone. I also realised how far I've come that I could be spoken to like that by a man and not wonder what he was after, but rather take it in the spirit in which it was spoken. It felt so affirming to be called "sweetheart" in that way. And I had to say "wow" to myself at the realisation of the healing which has happened for me to respond to that communication with the way I did, and to feel so good and so positive about it too!!

So all in all, it was an extremely nerve-wracking but enjoyable day. 

I'm so glad I went. I'm so proud of myself for going.

And most of all....

In going I realised how far I've come.

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