It is six years since my parents and brother were on bail following my police interviews. What a six years that has been for me and for my life. I am more accepting of myself, how I am and how I deal with the challenges of life alongside living with the consequences of severe abuse every moment of every day.
I have no regrets about going to the police, though I still feel betrayed and let down by them and the CPS. It may not have turned out the way I hoped - with my still living abusers charged, found guilty and put away for a long time.
But my life is very different now.
I am proud that I broke my silence. I am proud about the hard work I've done in therapy during the past four years.
I am not the same person, and that is all for the better.
Yes life is still an enormous struggle and it always will be. I often wish I wasn't around having to deal with the pain, abandonment and trauma, every moment of my life. But my self-understanding and self-acceptance is phenomenal which I would never have believed possible.
The last six months has been one illness after another, the trauma of the PIP process being the main contributing cause.
But I'm still here and I've turned 50, which is another miracle too.
I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. This blog has helped me get my voice back and documents the journey I'm on to heal from the trauma and damage caused by that appalling abuse. Now is the time for me to tell of MY experience by speaking the truth about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being repaired. Without God in my life I wouldn't still be here. But somehow, I keep on staying alive, surviving and rarely, occasionally, living a little!