I am a survivor of extremely severe ritualistic childhood abuse and sadistic systematic torture. Without God's intervention in my life I wouldn't be here - NOW is the time for me to tell MY story by speaking the TRUTH about MY life. I will be silenced no more! On this blog I share MY life, MY healing journey; helpful quotes/stuff I come across and MY thoughts along the way. The more I speak out the more liberated I am from the shame and trauma of the abuse. My broken wings are gradually being restored. This blog has helped me begin to get my voice back and documents the journey God is taking me on to heal me from the trauma and damage caused by that most appalling abuse.

Thursday, 29 June 2017


It's 13 weeks since my last SAGE group therapy session. I am very slowly adjusting to SAGE not being there any more and to missing the wonderful women I had such a privilege to work with. I'm getting used to how it feels and not feeling quite to raw about it. The deep sense of loss is lessening a bit. 

About a month ago a couple of women from the group found me on Facebook.  At first I was a bit thrown by that and wondered if I wanted to be in touch in that way. It took me about 4 days to realise that yes I did want to be in touch with them. That challenged all the programming inside me that said they wouldn't want to know me outside of the group. There are now 4 out of the 6 group members now in touch on Facebook. It makes such a difference knowing they are there.

Sunday, 30 April 2017


Following up on my post in Dec 16 I've now completed the specialist childhood sexual abuse therapy group. It ran from early January to the end of March.

It was the most incredible experience of my life and I feel extremely privileged to have done it.

Beyond that, at the moment, I don't have words for what the group experience was like.

I found the ending extremely difficult. That is a huge understatement! What did help me through was hearing the other women, including the group facilitators, having mixed feelings around the group ending and not wanting it to end. So I finally that something to challenge the internal critical voice about “not being able to cope, and I should be able to do better” blah blah. Actually, no, there is something about endings and grief that really knock me sideways.

Because it was such an unbelievably positive experience the void left by the ending felt almost too much to bear and remains very painful, one month later. The first couple of weeks I was totally broadsided by the loss and spent a lot of time “hiding under the duvet” as my mental health support worker puts it. I had my 1-month review with the group facilitators this week which was really helpful and it was good to have a consensus as to what next.